Julianne's Journal

Putting My Teaching Hat Back On

2012-02-03T13:07:00.002-05:00

Starting early next week I am embarking on a new adventure, albeit a short one. I'm going to be working full time for two and a half weeks at my school, teaching special education. A good friend is going on maternity leave later in the month and is taking some days off before that. She had originally asked me to cover for her and although I was intrigued I turned her down. My limit was teaching two days a week and more recently it's generally been just one. Then she informed me that my principal was asking if I could do it. I don't know her well since I've never actually worked for her (lots of turnover in administration) but she is the one who decides whether or not I can stay at my school part time and it would be helpful to be in her good books. So after some thought and conversations I've decided to do it.

The woman who watches the boys is happy to take them and I'm grateful for her flexibility. She has been a huge blessing for us... we love her values, energy, teaching/discipline style and ultimately her love for our boys. Knowing they are in such good care makes it a lot easier. I know they'll have fun and will learn a thing or two. She has assured me they will be fine...it's more me she's worried about!

I have missed teaching. I'm thankful to have a job that I love, that is not all-consuming and great colleagues to work with. I'm excited to get back for a short time and be a positive influence in a few kids' lives. Part of me wants to work more, but I believe the best for our family is for me to primarily stay home. There is no substitute for time. I feel okay about these few weeks because it is short and I'm hoping will solidify my decision. The extra money and building bridges doesn't hurt either. But I know I will miss my boys. I know by the end I will want to be done and question my decision. I've warned my husband that I will probably be a bit more weepy. Look out! That probably sounds a little dramatic for those of you with kids who work full time outside the home, but this is new territory for me. Any tips from the experts out there?

The Snacker in Me

2012-01-30T14:54:00.005-05:00

The snacker in me needs to be tamed. I generally think of myself as a healthy eater. I have the same breakfast everyday (PB & J sandwich with milk) a decent lunch and dinner. But I'm pretty sure if I kept a journal of what I ate I'd be surprised. It hit me the other day when I came downstairs to see a bag of chips and a box of cookies on the couch. I can be a bit lazy when it comes to food so when I'm wanting a snack I usually go for the easy stuff. I often have Dr. Phil and his high response cost idea, in my head when I do it (who knows why I remember him talking about this, but it makes sense). As is often the case for me, when I overindulge in something it works for me to just cut it out cold turkey for a period, kind of like pressing the re-set butter. So this week I'm not eating junk. My snacks are going to primarily fruits and vegetables (things I haven't eaten enough of as a mom) and smoothies for a treat. I'm getting one Hershey chocolate mint kiss to satisfy my sweet tooth and that's it...I just decided that as I was typing this. I guess it's not completely cold turkey but close enough. We'll see how it goes!

This is How I Feel

2012-01-23T14:36:00.003-05:00

I've had some stress and challenges in my life lately. It's inevitable. Things don't always go the way you want, disappointments wiggle their way into our comfortable lives and sometimes it's just plain hard. After going through a significantly hard time a few years ago I came out of it with many lessons, but one of the biggest one being that it's okay to feel how you feel. If I'm sad about something it's okay to feel sad, have a good cry, vent to loved-ones about how much it sucks. I find the sooner I let myself feel my true emotions, the sooner I can pull myself out of the dark place and keep moving forward. And the best kind of friends are the ones whose main goal isn't to make you feel better, but who enter the pain with you, who tell you that yes, it does indeed suck. Not that they won't give you encouragement along the way but they aren't there to rush you into "everything will be okay." Sometimes it's not okay and it won't be and we have to learn to live with that.

I am learning to be thankful for hard times. It's said a lot but they really are the times that help you grow, build character, rely on your community and God. I am reminded again of my need for God. I don't believe everything happens for a reason or that he controls all things, but I do believe he can take the crap and use it to make me a better person, to help others and grow in him. If you read about my goals for the year, one of them was to become friends with God. That means talking to him like I do the other people who are close in my life. I believe he loves me and cares about what's going on in my life, even if I'm not feeling all that great about it. I'm also trying to be a better friend and not always try to fix things or make someone look at the bright side (how annoying is that, right?). And while I'm learning to embrace the messy parts of life and the feelings that come with it, I'm continuing to learn to be thankful in the midst of the pain. I don't always get there right away, but that's okay. I'm growing.

Being a M.O.M.

2012-01-17T14:41:00.004-05:00

Being a mothers of multiples is different than being a mom to singletons. I don't think anyone would dispute that. I always love talking to other moms with twins and relating to their stories. Don't we all feel a bit better knowing someone else has been through a version of what we're going through, both amazing and challenging? I came across this blog post yesterday and wanted to give the author a hug. I have so been there. Holding a sleeping baby over the holidays I realized I hardly have any memories of doing that with my boys. I don't really remember much of that early newborn phase at all. On the rare occasion that I do get to hold one of them while they sleep, it melts me. I missed that. I traded it in for a routine that kept me somewhat sane and babies who could sleep on their own. I wouldn't change it. I did what I had to do to survive having two babies, but I know I missed out and sometimes that makes me sad. The amazing things about having twins far outweighs the hard stuff, but it's good to acknowledge and feel normal.

On a much lighter note, I posted this video probably over a year ago on Facebook and Joel and I were talking about it again last night. I think it's hilarious.

Tag. You're IT!

2012-01-13T14:08:00.004-05:00

I didn't know which one of the many topics swirling in my head to blog about next. Then found out I was tagged by Ali (whose blog I love reading...check her out!) in a fun little blog game, so thought I'd avoid a few chores and respond. Here's what she asked...

1. What is your middle name?
- Julianne. My parents called all their kids by their middle name and they are both the same. I'm not a fan and at places like the doctor they often call me by my first name so it's like I'm another person in the medical world. Needless to say I didn't do that to my boys. I like my middle name better than my first so I guess that's the upside.

2. What is the best movie you've ever seen?
- Hmmm. Probably The Shawshank Redemption, but also a huge fan of Man in the Moon (ultimate sad/cheese story) and Dead Man Walking

3. If you could see any band/artist in concert, who would you choose?
- I'm not a big concert goer and while I enjoy them I don't pursue them (rather spend money on other things). But if I had to pick one I'd say U2... partly to be cool. I mean who hasn't been to U2 right? And partly because I do like them, totally respect Bono and hear it's a great show.

4. Dog or cat?
- Dog but only really Golden Retrievers. I'm married to a pet hater so not holding my breath on that one.

5. If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?
- Western consumerism and entitlement and how blind we are to those suffering in a large percent of the world...which would result in radical generosity, everyone being fed and having their basic needs taken care of. It's unacceptable that 16,000 children still die a A DAY from hunger. It requires action, a change of lifestyle and giving a damn, to start.

6. What do you do to recharge?
- have a good conversation with my husband on the couch or a dinner date. Watch a good show or movie and eat air-popped popcorn with melted butter and salt. Oh and my Saturday sleep-ins. LOVE them!

7. What would an ideal weekend look like for you?
- Probably getting away to my parent's apple farm.

8. What is one thing you wish you could blog about but you feel like you can't/shouldn't?
- Hmmm... lack of time parents spend with their kids (too afraid of offending someone but there you go)

9. How many hours a week do you spend watching tv?
- A lot less than I used to but still too much. 5 or 6? (love having PVR and fast-forwarding through commercials...saves time and brain cells)

10. If you could do anything with your life to make money, what would you choose?
- Be a mom to my own kids as well as many orphans in Africa that I could...starting in Zimbabwe and Zambia.

11. What is your favourite smell?
- Freshly baked bread

There you go. Some valuable, deep, information about me for you to chew on. Happy weekend! (I think I'm supposed to tag people but from the sounds of it, nap time is over around here.)

Project Playroom

2012-01-09T14:01:00.008-05:00

The process begins - going through our junk

Those of you who've been to our house know that we don't live in a mansion, at least by our standards. When you walk in the doors you see a main room and a kitchen and that's it for the main floor. I've spent much of my life in that room since the boys were born, but as they became more mobile I knew we needed another option. Going outside doesn't always work in our climate. We have an unfinished basement but I knew we could transform it into a workable space to keep the boys occupied. Thus started a several month project.

First we needed to clear out enough junk to have space to play. Those of you with basements know they are an easy place to let stuff pile up. While some storage is necessary we had way more than we needed or used. Time to purge. Joel led the charge being gifted in the organization department. My attempts usually just result in everything spread out all over the floor with no clue what to do with it. After we cleared a space and neatly stored what was left I found some of the coloured foam flooring (on sale of course!) to cover the non-carpeted areas. I love that it's comfortable and easy to clean. Virtually all our toys are hand-me-downs from cousins or gifts with a very few bought at a used sale and a picnic table off Kijiji. I wanted to add colour and cover up some ugly parts. Luckily I have bought way too much African cloth in past years so I put some of it to good use covering the walls and some shelves. I wouldn't call it pretty but it's got character and it was cheap!

I originally thought I wanted a finished basement but in some ways I think an unfinished one is great for kids. You don't have to worry about them ruining things as much. Sure, things like our furnace are exposed and I have to teach them some boundaries but it's good for them. And ultimately even though part of me would love it, we don't have the cash to finish our basement which is the only way we buy things (ie. no debt). I'm happy with the way it's turned out considering what we were working with and the boys love playing down there, often for several hours a day. When you inherit toys they are often the noisy, plastic kind that aren't my favourite, but they were free and that works. As much as I'd love for my boys to only play with wood and dirt and all things natural, c'est la vie! I've set up a little desk for myself where I can work on a project or read while keeping an eye on things. It won't be long until I can probably leave them down their on their own with frequent check-ins.

It is not a classy playroom. No modern decorating or sleek lines. I guarantee it won't be featured in any magazines. Sometimes I even feel it's borderline tacky but it's colourful, simple and hardly cost us anything. I like that. I love watching Caleb pretend to cook in the play kitchen, passed on from his cousin, passed on to her by a friend. I love watching Micah build a tower for the sheer joy of knocking it down. I love watching them both sit at the picnic table with a pretend cup of coffee, sipping it like daddy does. And I love that we actually followed through on one of our plans and got it done. The finished product is below. If you're not scared of furnaces and don't need perfection you should come over and play!

Expectations

2012-01-06T14:07:00.004-05:00

A lot of emotions in life, whether good or bad, seem to come from expectations. We get disappointed because people don't meet our expectations. My friend didn't do what I thought she would, my husband didn't meet my needs when I expected him to know them, I excepted more or something different than what happened. Something goes as we expected or better and we're happy. When struggling with a difficult relationship where I felt disappointed, someone wise in my life asked me if I had communicated my expectations with that person. Did they know I was expecting that of them? What were they expecting of me? How often would having that sometimes scary, yet simple conversation, save us from a lot of heart-ache.

Some people may not know this about me but I'm a bit of a closet perfectionist. Okay, maybe not in some areas. Clearly I don't have the need for a perfectly tidy bedroom or organized office. But I do have high expectations of myself in other areas, especially in the relational, emotional areas that are less visible. I don't want a good marriage, I want a GREAT marriage. I don't want to be a good mom, I want to be a GREAT mom. While those are good things, sometimes my motivation is off. I want to be better than someone else because secretly it makes me feel better about myself. People judge and put others down because they are insecure, myself included.

I think it's good to want to be better but it's also important to be realistic. I've been thinking about this a lot recently as it relates to being a mom and chief operating officer of our home. Sometimes I need to let things go because they are not important. It's one thing to want things in order because it makes life run smoother and reduces stress. It's another to do it to keep up the facade of having it altogether. Sometimes I just need to get down on the floor and play with my kids. I'm not a perfect mom. Sometimes I'm lazy and tune out with TV when my boys need me to engage with them.

We're now in the stage when being a parent is more than about feeding, diapers and cuddles. We now need to teach them life skills, how to treat others, how to behave. It's a huge responsibility. And I KNOW sometimes my expectations for my boys are too high. I believe that it's never too early to start teaching. Start as you meant to go on. I believe so many parents don't expect much of their kids and it shows. But my boys are only a year and a half. Developmentally there are so many things that they don't get but I need to celebrate their little accomplishments. I expect that we'll clean up our basement playroom before going upstairs. I teach that to my boys by modelling how to clean up and bringing them back down when they try to make an escape. We sing the clean-up song and try to make it fun. It's amazing how quickly they learn, but I can still only expect them to put a few things away at this point. Sometimes I want them to be capable of more than is realistic and I really have to watch myself. It's easy to focus on what they can't do instead of celebrating the things they can and how far they've come already.

I expect a lot of myself and other people. Don't we all? I expect my husband to love me, to be kind and faithful, to help out around the house and be a good dad. But sometimes I catch myself pointing out the one thing he didn't do, while not acknowledging the million things he did do. I know how crappy I've felt at certain times in my life when it's happened to me and yet I still do it. I guess the key is that when I realize it I need to make amends and try to change my actions. Expectations aren't a bad thing. They are good and necessary, but they need to be communicated, managed and realistic. Something I'm definitely becoming more aware of and want to work on.

** Side note: Sometimes my perfectionist tendencies come out or don't come out in my blog. I find myself not writing about something because I'm not sure how it will come across. I want to take more risks, not worry about who will think what or how eloquent it is. I had no plan for this blog post, just started my ramblings. It's not perfect but it's me and that's good enough! :)

Looking Back and Ahead

2012-01-04T13:21:00.008-05:00

I've been enjoying reading many years in review on blogs and Facebook. 2011 was a pretty simple year for me...being a mom, wife and friend. I saw my boys evolve from lying on a blanket (next time I will appreciate this glorious stage!) to running and daily increasing their vocabulary. We took several trips to the farm and had two wonderful kid-free nights away at Lady Antebellum and Muskoka. We did our best to go on lots of dates and spend time with friends and are thankful for our amazing set of babysitters. I was deeply challenged by the isolation that comes with being a stay-at-home mom, that peaked in the winter and spring months. The fall has been much brighter now that we can get out in the mornings. We've joined several programs and I've met a lot of great moms. It's nice to be part of the outside world again.

Our holidays were absolutely wonderful. We were happy with our attempts to keep Christmas simple and loved watching the boys light up as they opened their stockings and a few presents. We had a great day with Joel's family and despite a failed nap attempt the boys were troopers and were so happy, particularly with the extra attention. Two days later we were with my family doing it all over again. And the best part? We stayed healthy and we were thankful! Joel and I tag-teamed on the parenting front and got a lot done around the house. I did a lot of cooking and now have a freezer full of minestrone, butternut squash black bean soup, chilli and spaghetti sauce. For the first time in our lives we actually paid a babysitter and were able to go out for New Year's Eve, first to a friend's birthday party and then hanging out with good friends who we've started new year with for the past several years, minus last year when in the early months of parenthood we opted to just go to bed.

Aside from the reminder of how fast life is zooming by, I love the new year and a chance for a fresh start. Whether you make them now or throughout the year I think it's important to have goals. Practically I want to be diligent about meal planning and spending less on food. I want to put my clothes away at the end of the day (I know, I'm 30 something and still struggle with this. Shame on me!). I want to continue my quest for a simpler more generous life. Relationally, I want to invest in some new friendships and continue to strengthen the old. I want to pick up the phone more. I want to love my husband better and be a more engaged mom. Spiritually I simply want to learn how to become friends with God. More on that another time. What are your goals for the new year? I hope you had a wonderful holiday.

Christmas last year

Christmas this year

Our new advent wreath

Minestrone ready for the freezer

Carrot Muffins

2011-12-29T10:52:00.005-05:00

As a busy mom I love having food that's ready to go for my boys. I'm also a big believer in limiting the amount of sugar and extra junk that my kids intake. Yes, I got made fun of the other day for not giving my boys Christmas cookies...not that I never will, but I don't think they know what they're missing yet so what's the point this young? I also didn't mind when my mom and sister-in-law gave spoonfuls of ice cream to my boys. That's what grandmas and aunts are for right? It's the general idea and effort that matters. Anyways, I'm not usually prepared when it comes to snack time. Crackers are often the go-to although many are full of not so great things. (My favourite are Triscuits which have 2 ingredients: whole wheat and salt...we get the reduced sodium kind).

I found this carrot muffin recipe in this book that I borrowed from my library several months back. I love that they have no sugar, wholesome ingredients including a vegetable and are easy to freeze. I will warn you, they don't taste great to big people but for little ones who aren't yet addicted to sugar and salt, they do the trick. They at least get the passing grade with my boys. Since I know several readers have toddlers and young kids around I thought I'd share. Let me know if you make them!

Carrot Muffins

Prep time: 10 minutes
Cooking time: 20 minutes
Yields: 12 muffins

1 cup plain, full-fat yogurt
½ cup whole milk
2 eggs
1 T maple syrup (I use PC organic 100% pure)
1 T canola oil
2 ¼ cups whole-wheat flour
½ t baking soda
1 t baking powder
½ t salt
3 medium carrots grated (about 1 cup)

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees and spray muffin pan with nonstick cooking spray
2. Whisk together the yogurt, milk, eggs, syrup and oil until smooth
3. In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt.
4. Add the grated carrots and the yogurt mixture to the flour mixture and stir well.
5. Pour the mixture evenly into the muffin pan and bake for 20 minutes. Cool and serve. (I always use an ice cream scoop with the spring handle...perfect for scooping batter into muffin tins!)

Home for the Holidays

2011-12-26T13:26:00.002-05:00

One of the best parts of the Christmas holidays is having Joel home from work. He doesn't go back for another full week. We had one Christmas yesterday, another one tomorrow and one more two days after that, leaving some golden days in between with no plans. Our families live between one and fifteen minutes away so we don't have much travelling to do.

I've already enjoyed a few sleep-ins which is one of my absolute favourite things to do. Luckily, it's also one of my husband's least favourite things to do so it works out well. My little white noise machine has been key in giving me an extra hour or two while the boys play downstairs. We also want to do a few things around the house, things we've had on our mental to-do lists for awhile...organize the front hall closet, switch out clothes that don't fit the boys for the next size, purge more stuff from the basement. Perhaps we're getting a little boring in what excites us as we approach middle age but these kind of things feel good once accomplished and are somewhat of a necessity in having a home. Plus having an extra adult around to hang out with the boys while the other works is a bonus.

I also plan to tackle some big-batch cooking and restock the freezer with meals to make my life a little easier. I'm still not a huge fan of cooking during the crazy dinner hour but if I can make something while I don't have two toddlers tugging on me to be picked up, and have extra for bonus meals later, I actually find it quite enjoyable. On today's list: carrot muffins for the boys (I'll post the recipe later) and minestrone soup for the freezer.

One of my decisions for the holidays is to stay of Facebook until Joel is back at work at least. I've confessed in the past that I waste too much time on there. I don't really need to see the piles of presents people got, the Boxing day deals acquired, who ate how many turkey dinners etc. I don't actually care, I just use it to avoid other things. Facebook has its benefits but I can certainly live without them for awhile. If I have free time I want to spend it with my family, reading, playing games, going outside, having a conversation with a real person, drinking a glass of wine or doing anything remotely useful. Since I haven't been successful in setting limits I'm just going to stay away. And for those who I communicate with via FB messages, I've just had them sent to my regular email account. Brilliant!

I'm really looking forward to the next week. If you have holidays, what are you up to?

What We've Been Up To

2011-12-15T13:12:00.005-05:00

No deep thoughts the past week or so, at least no energy to articulate them. There's always something going on in my head. All four of us have been dealing with colds so we've been fairly low key, trying to stay home and rest while not infecting the rest of the world before the holidays. Last Christmas was pretty miserable with illness and hospital stays so we're hoping to get it all over with before then and take another shot at it.

It's pretty hard to do nothing while taking care of toddlers, but I've enjoyed the rare chance lately to just sit (or lie!) on the couch and observe them. They continue to amaze me. Their vocabulary is growing like crazy and they pick up on new words in no time. They are also continuing to grow in their interactions. They call each other brother (more like 'bradda'...so cute) and Caleb is always looking to see what Micah is up to. If Micah is crying he will often say "Bradda okay?" I love his sweet sensitive spirit and Micah's adventurous playful nature. They are so different. The other day I asked Micah to give Caleb his water. Micah took it from me, handed it to Caleb, said "There you go" or his version of it and Caleb said "Thank you." It was a simple interaction but one that made me very proud of my boys.

Last weekend we went to a Christmas party for families in our area with multiples. I have never seen so many sets of twins and a few triplets too. Although slightly chaotic we had a lot of fun and was nice to see other families who all share something the multiple thing in common. One family had two sets of twins...girls about 3 years old and girls about 4 months old. They put us all to shame! The boys had their first interaction with Santa and not surprisingly he was not a hit. Caleb was shaking in fear. Maybe next year or maybe not. Do those pictures ever turn out well?

We're looking forward to the holidays, Christmas with both sides of our family and time to relax away from the usual routines of life.

Living Simply Part 3 - Christmas

2011-12-08T13:42:00.003-05:00

When you have no fireplace the stockings have to go somewhere!

Living simply at Christmas can be hard but something it seems more people are getting on board with. We all know that our North American consumerism is at it's best (or worst) this time of year. People spend hundreds of dollars and get stressed out to the max buying more stuff that we don't need. Joel and I do stockings for each other but haven't bought gifts in awhile. Instead we choose an experience to share that we normally wouldn't do. My side of the family only buys gifts for kids and on Joel's side we draw names for one stocking and one gift, so gift-buying is fairly easy.

But as we've been getting closer to Christmas I've started to question why we even buy gifts at all. Then last night I read this post and the wheels started turning even more. For those of us who follow Jesus (I know not everyone reading this does) isn't it really him we are celebrating? Shouldn't we be giving gifts to him and isn't what he really wants is for us to give to those in need? Why do we give gifts to each other? Because it makes us feel good? Then it's still about us. Because we want to show people we love them? Why does it have to be with stuff? I know many people are changing the way they do Christmas, making handmade gifts, giving time instead of things or honouring people buy giving gifts that matter. So many great organizations have gift catalogues now, it's not hard to find one you align with.

I think over the next few years, while our kids are still young, will be the time to figure out our traditions and how we'll do Christmas. Will we give any gifts to each other? I don't know. I'm certainly not claiming that gift giving is evil. But I've just been challenged to think more about the "why" and how I can make Christmas more about what really matters. I want it to be less about us and more about others and while doing that, not unnecessarily contributing to the accumulation of stuff. What are your traditions at Christmas? Have you changed how your family does it over the years?

Follow Through.... or lack thereof

2011-12-06T19:12:00.002-05:00

I've recently written about several different goals I have for myself and I have to confess they are not going well. I am good at making goals and plans but have never been awesome on the follow through, except for when I said at a young age I would get married and move with my husband to Africa. I checked that one off in the second year of marriage.

One of my goals was to practice gratitude and record one thousand gifts. Sadly, since I've started this in August I'm at a whopping 31. A bit pathetic. It's not that I haven't had anything to be grateful for, but my journal is usually under a pile of books and I honestly don't think of it. New goal? Put my journal in the kitchen and leave it OPEN. I'm really determined to make thankfulness central to my life and clearly have a long way to go.

I've wanted to become a morning person. Well, I've gotten out of bed early to workout a whole.... wait for it.... 2 times. Yikes! I love sleep and have not yet been able to force myself into bed early so if I don't HAVE to get up at 6am, it takes a lot for me to set the alarm. It's a choice that I've simply not made This morning I just happened to wake up at 6am and knew that I'd lie awake in bed until 7am thinking about how I should be working out, (plus I really had to pee!) so I dragged my butt out of bed for a date with Jillian. I still believe the morning is the best time to workout and want to be fit, so I'll keep working on it.

The third goal was to work on living more simply by buying less food. I'm doing okay on this one. There is definitely more space in the freezer and pantry but I've failed a few times buying things I don't need or haven't planned into a meal. Overall I'm feeling pretty good about this one and still working away.

I don't write this to make myself feel guilty. Moms don't need more of that. It's just a mental check-in of where I'm at and a declaration that I will continue to work on these things. Overall life is pretty great these days. We've successfully made it through the one nap transition and I'm happy about that. Life is all about choices and we make hundreds of them a day. Inevitably I will make several bad ones before the sun goes down. I'm the kind of person that once I have a decent string of failures in a certain area I am very tempted to throw in the towel and give up. But no! I will not give up (cue inspiration music!). I will become a grateful person, I will value a healthy lifestyle by actually doing something about it, and I will learn to live more simply. It just looks like I'll be on the long, slow track to getting there, but hopefully the one that results in true transformation. Now excuse me while I go motivate myself by watching the Biggest Loser with a bowl of ice cream.

Pizza Puffs

2011-12-04T19:08:00.004-05:00

A friend posted a link to this recipe so I pinned it (Are you on Pinterest? Awesome!) and finally got to making it this week. I LOVE things I can freeze for my boys and be used for a snack or quick meal and these were perfect, not to mention very quick and easy to make. They were a hit with the boys, who currently love to say the word "pizza". You could also add super diced veggies to round out the food groups. They're great for adults too... I popped several back in a row...especially as a yummy appetizer at a party! I have a feeling I'll be making these on an almost weekly basis. I think I only got 19 out of my mini-muffin tins but depends on the size. Let me know if you try them!

Pepperoni Pizza Puffs

3/4 cup flour
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
1 tablespoon Italian seasoning (I didn't have this so used a pinch or two of oregano)
pinch of salt (optional)
pinch of red pepper flakes (optional, but I used them)
3/4 cup whole milk
1 egg, lightly beaten
1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1 cup cubed pepperoni (I used cut up Natural Selections ham...healthier I think??? Will try pepperoni too.)
1/2 cup store-bought pizza sauce (didn't use this for the boys but would make them more delicious)

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Grease a 24-cup mini-muffin pan. In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, Italian seasoning, salt and red pepper flakes (if using) ; whisk in the milk and egg. Stir in the mozzarella, Parmesan and pepperoni; let stand for 10 minutes.

2. Stir the batter and divide among the mini-muffin cups. Bake until puffed and golden, 20 to 25 minutes.

3. Meanwhile, microwave the pizza sauce until warmed through. Serve the puffs with the pizza sauce for dipping.

Hope on World AIDS Day

2011-12-01T13:35:00.005-05:00

Today is World AIDS day. I confess I had totally forgot it was coming. My thoughts are on our many friends infected or affected by AIDS. Above is my friend Rebecca who we met when we lived in Zimbabwe. She had been close to dying but was given the opportunity to go on ARVs and has responded well. She is still alive today and we're able to keep in touch occasionally via a friend with email or when friends go to visit. She is just one of the many brave people fighting this awful disease.

It is easy to get overwhelmed or just check out altogether. Many of us don't know people on this side of the world who are infected, but with 34 million people living with it worldwide it's a big deal. Today I have hope. Hope for a cure, hope for a better life for those infected through the help of medication. Hope of support for those caring for orphans or loved ones as they die. There is so much that can be done and I'm proud to be part of an awesome community who is making a difference. Is there more we can do? Absolutely. Are there many days it doesn't even come to mind? Yes! But it's too huge to ignore altogether and I want to do my part. So let's not think that it's too big that we can't do anything about it. Many people I know don't have a choice of whether or not they want to deal with AIDS. We do, and I hope that if you're not already, you'll choose to do something!

Transitions

2011-11-25T09:56:00.004-05:00

The last few weeks my boys have been going through the transition I've been longing for and yet dreading at the same time... going to one nap! If you're a FB friend you might have noticed my questions and thoughts on the subject. As mentioned many times before, it's been hard to get out with twins, especially twins who love/need their sleep. I've been looking forward to getting out in the mornings and joining the outside world again. But like all transitions, it's been tough and I'm tired. I've muddled my way through trying to figure out how best to approach it. The were both sleeping beautifully in the morning but Micah especially wasn't in the afternoon. It was almost as if 2 naps was too much but 1 nap not enough. Something needed to change so we started the process. I'm pretty sure Caleb could still do 2 naps consistently but let's be honest, I like my boys on the same schedule. I need my breaks!

Finally in the past week or so we've had some success. I've managed to keep them up until around noon and have gotten a few days of 3 hour naps. We've also had several dinner time meltdowns and early bedtimes as their bodies are adjusting. They are difficult in the moment but having them in bed at 6:30pm isn't the worst thing in the world! In some ways I'm not sure why I wanted this so much. Keeping twin toddlers (or any child!) busy from 7am until noon is a LONG time. The key is getting out of the house. I will confess I've never been very brave when it comes to that. The other day we were at a play program the community centre. The play area was very large. With Micah walking he could go anywhere quickly, so I try to plant myself somewhere in the middle and keep an eye on them. I felt like a lifeguard again. At one point I could hear Micah crying but couldn't see him anywhere. Eventually I found him in a tunnel, not too happy.

I'm realizing that I need to take more risks, in parenthood and life in general, so have been forcing myself to get out with them. What's the worst that could happen? Two boys completely melting down in public? Not the end of the world. I've gone to the community centre, a playgroup the senior's home and an Early Year's centre. I'm proud of myself. Two of the three I can walk to and I find that less stressful. One of my fears came true at the Early Year's Centre when I had no idea how to get them both in the door. There were no strollers allowed inside and it's pretty hard to carry both of them. I was holding my crawler while my walker, not quite getting the concept of staying with me or holding my hand, ran down the side walk. I don't even remember how we got in, but we did and with the help of a volunteer, managed to get them back out.

Today we had no plans and my boys seem tired. They were both lying on the floor asking to go "night night" so I've declared it as a 2 nap day. They've been down for almost an hour and I'm pretty sure Caleb is fast asleep while Micah is babbling away. Was it the right call? I have no idea and I might pay for it later but I'm doing my best. Soon this will all be a distant memory and I'll long for the days that they napped at all. Being a parent I've learned there are a million phases and I don't want to wish them away. It goes too fast. How do you deal with transitions? Do you like change? And if you're a mom to young kids, want to come over for a play date? ;)

Living Simply Part 2 - Food

2011-11-17T11:36:00.006-05:00

I love grocery shopping. I could spend hours walking up and down the aisles of our local store. If I could get paid to do anything, besides being a mom and power-washing dirty transport trucks (yes, it's kind of my dream!), I would grocery shop for people. I also love deals. Flyer day gets me excited. I used to go through each one and carefully plan out where I would buy each item. I would often hit 3 or 4 different chains in a week to get the best price on certain things. Who knows if the gas used to get there was worth it but it I felt satisfied. Deal hunting is in my blood. My mom is the queen and when she found a good one when it came to food, she bought plenty. We had a room in our basement we nicknamed the "bomb shelter". It had shelves stocked with food and I'm sure you could last a year eating off the food in it. It was also great for playing store as a little girl. I remember Bran Flakes going on sale, which my brother loved, but there was a limit of 6, so my mom would send each of us into the store with money separately to take advantage.

While I don't mind being a deal-hunter and respect this trait passed onto me, I realize I have a problem. I buy TOO much food. Flyers are different these days now that my husband works for the biggest (and in my opinion, the best!) grocery chain around. I am pretty faithful to their stores and luckily love their products. But that hasn't seemed to curb my consumption. I have a large kitchen cupboard, basement pantry and deep freezer full of food. Besides the basics I can't avoid, I rarely buy things that aren't on sale. But do I really need 5 cake mixes even if they are only 99 cents? No. I'm all for saving money, but when saving money turns into things I never get to and items expired I can't even donate to a food bank, it's not good. I think it's okay to have a supply of food, especially of things we go through on a regular basis. We all love Triscuits so when they're less than $2, I stock up. The cereal Joel eats everyday is expensive so you can bet when it went on sale for half price, I bought a bunch. I know we'll go through them. But I need to cut down. I've had a dream for well over a year, of eating through our freezer. We're going to do it. The new PC Insider's report has come out with some great new products and I've decided I won't buy any of them until we've cleared out at least half of our food.

I don't think it's wrong to have a cupboard full of food, meals ready to go in the freezer and regular items on hand but I do want to simplify. Why? a) I don't want to buy things just because they are on sale...a clear weakness of mine. b) I want to look at the flyers and plan actual meals, hopefully a week in advance. c) I want to have less stuff in my house. d) I don't want to become a hoarder (perhaps I am close, judging by the pictures below). e) I want to cook more from scratch and use simple ingredients... in a realistic, "I have twin toddlers" kind of way. Let's be honest, the occasional frozen lasagna helps keep me sane. f) I want to spend less money on groceries and more on other people. And finally, g)It's just a good discipline for me in my quest to live a simpler life. I look forward to having a little more wiggle room in my cupboards and freezer and working on being a little more disciplined when I see a great deal. We'll see how it goes! Now with the slight fear of being judged and a bit of embarrassment, take a look at what I'm working with....

Our freezer, filled to the brim

My basement pantry, overflowing!

My kitchen cupboard, with no room for more

A Weekend in Muskoka

2011-11-15T10:26:00.007-05:00

I love Muskoka. Except for maybe a few gems I've discovered in southern Africa, it might possibly be my favourite place to go. I didn't grow up with a cottage but camp was my cottage and I spent my summers there for well over a decade. There is something about being on a lake that is so relaxing and Muskoka is full of them. Joel and I were itching to get away and I happened to see a deal on Travelzoo for a resort in the heart of Muskoka. Our wonderful friends, Alice and Wayne, graciously offered to take the boys for the weekend so we could escape. We lucked out with the most gorgeous weekend of weather and had a fabulous time. A beautiful drive, naps, swimming, hot tub, sitting on the dock by the water, a nice meal, late night desserts, getting up whenever we wanted, a breakfast buffet. It was perfect. Here are a few glimpses....

The view from our balcony

"Dressed up" for dinner...meaning a nicer shirt with my jeans!

Happiest by water

Lunch at Weber's and possibly the first time I've eaten outside in November!

My quest to become a morning person...

2011-11-08T10:51:00.003-05:00

I feel like I'm at a bit of a cross-roads in my life. It's not as dramatic as it sounds, but it is true. My boys are starting the transition to taking one nap instead of two each day. After some hard work they became wonderful nappers and I loved my breaks. I didn't love how isolated I felt. getting out was difficult. Now that they've started to have many one-nap days I'm realizing how much it changes our routine. I basically have to keep them occupied from 7am until noon or 1pm. That's a long stretch with two little toddlers. Getting out is definitely key and I'm looking forward to reconnecting with the outside world. BUT, I didn't really think of how it would siginficantly reduce the amount of time I had to myself. My routine was generally to stay in my PJs until their first nap around 9:30am, put them down, often workout, shower, and fold some laundry. Then in the afternoon I would have some me-time, catch up on emails, do a few chores and think about dinner. It was wonderful. Now I only have a short amount of time to do everything that can't be done with two little ones in tow.

I value staying fit. I don't always love working out but I think it's important so I generally try to make time for it. Once I realized the realities of one nap I had to make a decision. Waiting to workout and shower at 1pm is not ideal. There are plenty of other things to check off the list during that time. So, my options have now become a) workout in the evenings, b) wait 'til the boys are in school and not workout for another 3 years with the occassional weekend one, c) get up earlier and get it done before the boys are up. A) wasn't really an option in my head. Evenings often have social things or just chill time with Joel. When the boys go down that's the last thing I want to do. B), I have to admit I did consider. How fat could I really get in 3 years? Although decent, I don't have the same metabolism as my teens and twenties and some level of maitenance is necessary. So sadly the most logical conclusion became C).

Now I am NOT a morning person. I live for Saturday sleep-ins. I naturally like to stay up late and usual no matter how tired I am something in me wakes up at 10pm and says it's time to play. I usually have lights out by 11pm so I can get my 8 hours in but if I had nothing to wake up for it would probably be much later. But I do want to work out (kind of), I do want to have time to myself to think, journal and pray and I'm pretty sure that means I need to get up an hour earlier. Arggh! So for the past few days the alarm has gone off at 6am. I know that's not extreme, that many get up that early, if not earlier, but for me it's a stretch. While it was still dark out this morning, I was having a little date with Jillian Michaels. I already feel tired and it's not even noon. I know my body will adjust and it will just mean getting to bed earlier. That will be the hardest part for me. In my heart I know I want to be a morning person and that it will feel good once I'm up. I just hope I can stick with it. Are you a morning person? What time do you usually get up?

Halloween

2011-11-04T15:16:00.006-04:00

I used to love Halloween. What kid doesn't like free candy right? Then as I grew older it became less and less exciting. I'm not the biggest fan of dressing up and we've never had huge turnouts of kids at our house. But once I had my boys it became a little more exciting again. Last year I wasn't planning on doing too much as my the boys were just over 4 months, but a last minute deal on costumes at Children's Place and a more eager than I expected husband (perhaps because of his new photography hobby?), I was in. We took our two little monkeys to a few neighbours to show them off and didn't get any candy. It was a little too obvious that they wouldn't be the ones eating it.

This year I knew it would be a little more fun with two active toddlers. We bought some Tigger and Poo costumes at a used clothing sale last year. If my boys ever ask me to help them make a costume I will do my best, but for now my less than creative self is thankful for the pre-made, zip them up type. It works for me. As soon as it hit an acceptable time we hit the street. Only about one in four houses in our neighbourhood participate in Halloween but that was plenty for our boys. As they get older we might just have to search out somewhere better to trick-or-treat. The boys loved it. My little Tigger was running up and down the streets and Poo, who is still not quite walking, was happily plunked at each door step waiting for a friendly face to appear. Who doesn't love two adorable little toddlers. I'd take that over pathetically dressed teenagers trying to eek out one more year of free candy, anyday. Call us mean, but we haven't given our boys any of the candy. We figure they aren't old enough to care or miss it so why bother. I've always been pretty conscious about how much sugar they have and they'll be exposed to that stuff soon enough. We did give each of them a bag of chips to play with and shake. I admit that sounds a bit lame but we really couldn't think of a good reason to let them indulge this time around. Next year I know they'll understand better, and yes, we will let them eat candy! I can't wait to see what dynamic little duo we can come up with for next year!

Life and Death

2011-11-03T14:06:00.004-04:00

Last Saturday was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for me where two parts of my life intersected. On the previous day, my second niece was born weighing a tiny 3 pounds, 4 ounces at 33 weeks. The pregnancy hadn't been easy and it was determined that she'd do better continuing to grow on the outside, so out she came. Although small she is completely healthy, breathing on her own and doing well. She'll remain in the NICU for several weeks and hopefully soon be transferred closer to home. I was eager to go meet her. But turning the corner towards the hospital I was hit with a flood of emotions. Seven years ago almost to the day, in that same hospital, is where Joel's mom passed away due to injuries from a car accident. I knew her for less than two years but I saw the impact her devestating loss had on my husband and his family. From the little I knew her I can honestly say she was one of the kindest most positive people I have ever met. It hits me at different points... when others talk about their mother-in-law (often complaining and I know I'd have nothing to complain about) and especially for my boys who are missing out on a wonderful Grandma. I will make sure they grow up knowing what a special person she was.

I walked through the same doors to see my niece that we walked out of seven years ago, not quite believing what had just happened. I held it together until I saw my brother and then the tears fell. He has seen me through many tear-filled moments but probably wasn't expecting it as I was coming to meet my daugther. Life is full of highs and lows and a whole lot of in betweens. As I tried to wade between the extremes I fell back on thankfulness... thankful for the life of an amazing woman that was cut too short, for her legacy that lives on in her family and for what she taught me in the few short years I knew her... and also thankful for a beautiful little niece, born too early but hanging in there and for the family she gets to grow up in. Isn't she sweet?

Advent Wreath

2011-10-29T10:09:00.004-04:00

Aside from occassionally opening a calendar of plastic-like chocolates, I haven't done much in the past to prepare for Advent. Now with a family I'd like to start some traditions and thought this wreath was a simple and unique idea. It's handmade by the 15 year-old son of the author of this book I've written about, and 100% of the proceeds go to Compassion. You can't go wrong. There are a limited number so incase you're interested in getting one, you should move quickly. I'm looking forward to the memories and lessons that our family will share together.

Living Simply.... part one

2011-10-26T09:51:00.003-04:00

This is something I've wanted to write about for a LONG time. I feel like I have so much to say and yet have no idea how to articulate it all, so please bear with me and my ramblings. No doubt there will be many posts on this topic. This is not something I've written much about on my blog, but I am a follower of Jesus. Growing up with all things Christian my entire life, it's always been part of me. To make a long story short I have struggled with that label and my whole relationship with God for a good decade at least. I think it began in my university days. I decided to go to a Christian university (whatever a "Christian" anything means) and each year when my eight months were done, I worked at a Christian camp and back and forth I would go with a three month break living in Zambia working at a... you guessed it... Christian school. Basically I became pretty jaded about God, didn't know how to have a relationship with him, didn't really know what difference he made in my life. I knew a lot of the time I was faking it so assumed that many around me must be doing the same. I knew in chapel I was supposed to have this intense look on my face when I was singing, possibly if I was brave to raise my hands when the emotional bridge came along. I knew the Bible studies to join, the prayers to pray, the things to say. But I got tired of it. In some ways I still am quite tired of it and am generally not a huge fan of most things part of the Christian culture. I have struggled, wondering if Jesus was really for me, if I was only part of this only because it's what I grew up with. I have more doubts than I ever have, more questions, more things that annoy me. Sometimes I feel pretty messed up and discouraged on this journey, but in the midst of the mess I know that I really do want to follow Jesus. Much of the other crap associated with Christianity I'm willing to leave behind, but Jesus? Yes, I'll follow Him.

Okay, that was a long preamble. One of the main things I think (let's be honest, I know) that Jesus teaches is about our relationship with money, giving generously to those in need and living simply. For the most part, I think Christ followers in our culture, myself definitely included, could get a big fat FAIL on that one. I struggle with it everyday and yet more and more it's something that's stirring in me, something I desire for myself and my family, my community. It's something I think that anyone who calls themself a follower of Jesus needs to get on board with and start taking seriously. We make a lot of money. We are rich. In fact, we are in the top 1% wealthiest in the world and I'm guessing almost everyone reading this is there or somewhere close. And yet I am greedy, I want more, I want more stuff, a bigger house, more savings. Even with it being top of mind I am constantly failing. Heck, I've lived among some of the world's poorest people. Yes, I'm one of the few that have seen it firsthand and yet I still fall into our culture's trap of wanting more. We give a lot of money away but that is only just a start. I need to intentionally be making decisions about my lifestyle as to whether they will benefit me, or others who are in need. I want to live simply and I want to be part of a community that wants the same. I think it's pretty hard to do on your own. But I'm discouraged with myself and those around me. I really think we've messed up on this one. No happy conclusion and many more thoughts on this one to come, but for now I'll leave you with a blog post from someone who is gets it a lot more than I do. It left me with a lot to think about.

Back to Work

2011-10-19T20:15:00.002-04:00

Recently, after over a year and a half, I've been able to put my teacher hat back on. While I've primarily decided to stay home with my boys, I've decided that supply teaching once or twice a week is good for all of us. The boys go to a wonderful babysitter from our church who watches children in her home, where they are interacting with other kids and learning a lot. Getting out with twin toddlers is tough so aside from a few playdates, social events and church on Sunday they usually just have each other. It's also been good for me to do something else I love outside of the home. I've really been enjoying it. I am pretty much just working at my school so most of the kids know me, the routines are familiar and the staff are friends. Sitting the staff room, socializing for an hour at lunch is glorious and a real treat. While supply teaching is a little different than the usual teaching gig, it reminds me that I really do love my job. It's funny to me that teaching 25 kids can feel like a break from 2 toddlers, but it is.

But even after working only 6 days so far in this school year, it is crystal clear to me that I am not cut out to work full time outside the home. As a twin mom, a common thing I hear is "I have no idea how you do it" and that's my thoughts towards moms who work outside the home everyday. Because Joel generally does drop off and pick up I see my boys for less than 2 hours a day when I work. I don't like that. It doesn't feel right. We've since bought a second set of car seats so I can pick them up earlier on some days which will add a few hours to our day together. While every family has to make the decision that works best for them, I know that my heart is at home with my boys. To keep my job I'm required to go back to some degree next September so we will have some decisions to make. I love the flexibility I currently having by picking and choosing when and if I work and someone who will watch the boys when needed. I know it's a very unique situation. As the school year continues I'll figure out if I want to cut back and won't go over my self-proclaimed maximum of twice a week. I'm thankful to be part of such a wonderful profession but ultimately that I get to do the best job in the world as a mom.

Why I Don't Own a Smartphone

2011-10-13T13:14:00.002-04:00

Is that what they're called? I'm so out of the technology loop. Rumour has it that Blackberry was down yesterday and many people were faced with the dilemma of how to keep on living without their little devices connecting them with the world. How did they tell the time? Know what to do next? Text their friends? Do business? People are often buzzing about the latest iPhone on Facebook (I know we're on #4 now, right?) and the amazing new things it can do, who's going to line up for it, etc. It's hard to go anywhere these days and not see someone staring at their little device. I, however, seem to be one of the few people without one. I am clearly behind the times. I have an old-school PC pay-as-you-go cell phone I use for emergencies, if I really need to contact someone when out or occassionally call Joel from the grocery store to find out if we need milk. More recently I've even sent a few text messages, albeit brief ones as I don't have a proper keypad. I think I've maybe sent 10 or so in my entire life! As much as I want to be the cool kid on the block I've decided, at least for now, not to join the wonderful world of smartphones. Here's why...

1. I'm cheap and they are expensive. As far I can tell you can't get a plan for under $50 a month, most much more than that (please enlighten me if I'm wrong!). I don't like spending money and would much rather pay my $20 every few months for my pay-as-you-go deal.

2. I'm too afraid of getting addicted. I already waste too much time on my computer. I don't have a laptop so it's not like I can be on it all day but when I can I find I let it suck away too much of my time and energy. There's something nice about having a message in your inbox, and add text messaging to that, I wouldn't trust myself to not always be checking.

3. Along those lines, I see how attached some people are and I don't like it. I find it irritating being at a social event or family gathering and someone is on their phone. Is it really that important? Barring an emergency can't you just engage with the people that are in front of you in real life? One of the saddest things is seeing two people eating in a restaurant, both on their phones or a parent glued to them while supposedly hanging out with their kids. That being said, most of my friends have them and seem to be able to use them in moderation. It can be done!

4. I just don't need to be in contact with people that badly. The phone and internet work for me. I spend a lot of time at home and I don't need one for my job. I know people use them for work which I get. Joel has one but doesn't really use it after work hours.

Will I ever own a smartphone? Probably. I imagine that when my little phone eventually dies I won't have many other options. I'm not against them if they are used well. They certainly have their benefits and help people to keep in touch more frequently. My only real issue is when I see them taking away from quality real life interactions and I have enough struggles that I don't need another temptation right now. If you can find me a plan for less than $20 (I know, I'm dreaming) than this deal-lover may be convinced! If you're a Smartphone user, what do you like about it? What issues, if any, do you have with them?

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-10-10T20:02:00.006-04:00

Thanksgiving is quite possibly my favourite weekend of the year. The fall colours are peaking, delicious turkey dinners are ready to be consumed and there is lots of time with family. But two years ago Thanksgiving day took on a whole new significance. It was the day I took a pregnancy test (or three), certain I wasn't pregnant, only to get the shock of my life. An ultrasound a week or so later revealed that I was going to have not one, but two babies and my life has never been the same. I am still overwhelmed at the two gifts I've been given in my sons and for their amazing dad who I get to do life with everyday. I have much to be grateful for!

Thanksgiving 2009...

Thanksgiving 2010...

Thanksgiving 2011...

Election Day... again.

2011-10-06T10:52:00.002-04:00

Today is our provincial election. It feels like I'm always going to the polls. As I've been moderately been following the lead-up today I've been thinking a lot about whether or not I SHOULD vote. Besides voting for my mayor I think this election affects me most. Being a teacher, the provincial government influences my profession quite a bit. So I've done what I can in the time that I have to try and get informed. Education is my main issue and quite honestly I'm fairly neutral about most others. Our union sent an email with a grid of where the parties stand on issues pertaining to education. I found that they pretty much said the same things. I watched the debate (before my PVR cut it off) and found they all say a lot, but I don't necessarily believe they are going to do anything they say. I tried to get informed in other ways but quite honestly, I had no clear convictions about who to check off on the ballot. I've made a decision but I consider it my "best guess."

I'm married to someone who doesn't vote. He honestly doesn't care. You hear a lot that if you don't vote you have no right to complain and I agree with this. Not once in our 8 years together have I heard him complain about any of that stuff. Someone came to our door recently representing a party and when he told them he wasn't planning to vote the man was appalled. He said he had to do it for our children and his children. I thought that was a bit dramatic. So is it okay not to vote? If you really don't care and are happy to let the people that do, decide? I've come to the conclusion that it is okay. I often hear that voting is a privilege and it's true. But if we don't feel convicted about something I think it's okay not to take advantage of the privilege. We don't live in country run by dictators whose position of power could literally mean life or death for thousands. I think those situations are different. I absolutely believe that everyone should have the right to vote and we should work towards making that happen just like I believe everyone has the right to clean water. But someone without clean water would probably much rather I work towards helping them get some, than drinking water myself just because I can.

I want to have a say in what happens so I vote. I plan to teach my boys about it and keep them informed but ultimately the decision is theirs. That's part of living in a country with freedom. I'm sure not everyone agrees and would love to hear your thoughts.

One Thousand Gifts

2011-10-04T14:57:00.003-04:00

I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude this year. It was all sparked by reading about this book on a few friends’ blogs. I was really excited to read it although it ended up taking several months. I found the writing a bit too flowery for my tastes and hard to get through, but loved the concept of it. Like the writer, I struggle with finding joy in my life. Although I’m overall a happy person, it’s easy for me to find the negative in something and I often catch myself being more critical than I’d like. I think discontentment has become a bit of an epidemic in our culture. What’s the antidote? Thankfulness. And not just spouting off a few things we’re thankful for in our bedtime prayers... intentionally hunting for all the good gifts that surround us each day and taking time to acknowledge them.

This morning as I was getting ready to take a shower, I took off the lid to my shaving cream and out poured rusty water all over my freshly washed bathrobe. I was so annoyed and audibly let my frustration be known. After all I had just taken it out of the dryer and would have to throw it back in the wash. Then I caught myself. Seriously? This is what I’m upset about? So I immediately tried to think of things to be thankful for... the invention of the razor and shaving cream, clean water, a bathrobe, a washing machine and dryer (definitely not the norm in most of the world), time in my day to fit in a shower... the list could go on. That simple act of being thankful helped my attitude take a 180 degree turn in a matter of seconds.

But gratitude, at least for me, requires discipline, and disciplines require intentional practice. In the book, the author has been challenged by a friend to write down one thousand gifts that she observes around her and she’s been doing it ever since. Apparently it’s been quite life transforming. So when I finished the book this summer, I decided to try it. I bought a journal and left it open in my kitchen to write down things I was thankful for. Then September came, the journal got closed, never to be re-opened. I got to 17. But I’m ready to start again and intentionally work towards making gratitude a central part of my life. With Thanksgiving weekend coming up, what better time. I want to choose joy and see how my life changes because of it. Anyone want to join the hunt for one thousand gifts?

Workout Train - Halfway There

2011-10-03T14:38:00.003-04:00

I'm one month into my two month goal of 22 workouts and I'm happy to be at 13 at the halfway point. October will be a busier month with a few getaways planned and hopefully working a bit more (already have a job booked for Wednesday!) so I'm glad I'm slightly ahead. Last Friday the boys were at the babysitters and I had no job so decided to try hot yoga for the first time. I bought a voucher off of Dealfind for 20 classes for $20!!! To make it even better, a few friends bought the deal which meant Dealfind paid me. They've sent me cheques for a total of $103 so I actually consider the yoga, a haircut and highlights and 3 hours of housecleaning that I bought, all to be free. Yes, fireworks are going off in my deal-loving brain. Anyways, hot yoga was extremely intense. I walked in thinking, "Weird, it's not very hot in here" only to have sweat dripping out of every pore of my body within minutes. I thought I was going to be sick a few times but perservered and was praised, along with my fellow rookies, by the intructor for not giving up. There is someting I love about a good sweat, knowing my body is getting rid of a bunch of toxins. I will definitely be back for more.

Another goal I have from now until Thanksgiving is to watch less TV. By the time the boys are in bed and the house has been tidied we don't feel like doing much so we often relax on the couch with one of our favourite shows. I'm not against TV and I really enjoy the few shows we follow, but this week I want to be intentional about finding other things to do... having deeper conversations, enjoying a glass of wine, reading a book, calling a friend, going to a hot yoga class perhaps! So we're not going to watch any TV in the evenings this week. It occassionally goes on during the day while I fold laundry or the boys eat. Today I was watching part of the leaders debate I had recorded and still have no idea who I'm going to vote for on Thursday. I'm all for relaxing and having some downtime each day and looking forward to finding other ways besides the TV to enjoy it. At the end of my life I'm not going to wish I watched more TV, but there are plenty of others things I will have wanted to invest my time in. Time to change some habits!

Sweet Potato Shepherd's Pie

2011-10-01T14:24:00.008-04:00

My goal for cooking has been a few new recipes every month. This past week, with no teaching jobs on the horizon, I found myself trying several new ones. My Wagjag suscription deal to Canadian Living is paying off! On Thursday I did my biggest one of the week... Sweet Potato Shepherd's Pie. I've never been a huge fan of Shepher's Pie. I think I've always found it bland, but I like that it contains ingredients for a balanced meal for my boys. We also rarely eat beef at home (steak at a restaurant is another story) as I substituted all ground beef for turkey, but I thought the iron would be good. Turns out swapping regular potatoes for sweet potatoes made all the difference in taste for me.

This recipe takes some time (lots of peeling and chopping) and has a long ingredient list. It states 40 minutes of hands-on time but mine was at least double, if not triple that, partly because of the twin toddler factor. But the part that makes it worth it, besides being delicious, is that it makes enough for two pies so you can freeze one for later. I will definitely make this again, probably on a weekend when Joel can help me with the chopping. So here is...

Sweet Potato Shepherd's Pie

2 lb (900 g) extra lean ground beef

3 cloves garlic, minced

1/4 cup tomato paste

3 ribs celery, finely chopped

2 onions, finely chopped

2 carrots, peeled and diced

1 turnip, peeled and diced (my first time cooking with a turnip)

1 sweet green pepper, seeded and diced (I think I used orange instead)

2 bay leaves

1 1/4 t salt

1 t dried thyme

1/4 t ground nutmeg

2 T all-purpose flour

1/2 cup sodium-reduced beef broth

1/4 cup water

1 1/2 t Worcestershire sauce

4 lb (1.8 kg) sweet potatoes, peeled and coarsely chopped (I used 3 large, 2 small to get 4 lbs)

1/3 cup milk

2 T butter

In a dutch oven (I used a large wok), cook beef and garlic over medium heat, breaking up with a spoon, until browned, about 10 minutes. Stir in tomato paste; cook, stirring, for 1 minute.

Stir in celery, onions, carrots, turnip, green pepper, bay leaves, 3/4 tsp of the salt, the thyme, pepper and nutmeg. Cook, stirring occasionally, until vegetables are tender, about 15 minutes (this was perfect for my finely chopped vegetables... might need a bit longer if they're bigger).

Stir in flour; cook, stirring, for 1 minute. Stir in broth, water and Worcestershire sauce; simmer for 3 minutes. Discard bay leaves. Divide between two 8-inch (2 L) square baking dishes.

Meanwhile, in large pot of boiling salted water, cook sweet potatoes until tender, about 12 minutes. Drain and return to pot over medium heat; cook, stirring, until dry, about 1 minute. Stir in milk, butter and remaining salt; mash until smooth (I used an immersion hand blender as I found it hard to get smooth with a regular masher). Spread evenly over each beef mixture.Bake 1 of the pies in 350°F (180°C) oven until bubbly, about 35 minutes. (Make-ahead: Cover remaining pie with plastic wrap then foil and freeze for up to 1 month. Bake, uncovered and frozen, in 350°F/180°C oven for 50 to 60 minutes.)

The half-devoured finished product

*Found in the September issue of Canadian Living*

Mmmm... Butternut!

2011-09-26T19:35:00.003-04:00

I was feeling a little disappointed today. Disappointed that we couldn't find a babysitter for week #2 of our homechurch and I'd be staying home alone. Joel has been more than generous in letting me go most nights we can't find a sitter. I'm home all day and crave time out with people. He's an introvert and is generally happen for a night to himself. But he's in charge of a compassion initiative that needed to be talked about last night, plus he's long overdue for a turn.

So, I decided to get over it and think of the ways I could spend the evening. Plus I was excited to surprise him with a recipe for butternut squash I've been wanting to try for weeks. I was feeling good. But then came the dinner hour. I had taken the boys outside to play in the yard knowing I had to be in at a certain time to get dinner going. They were having fun and I stayed out later than planned. My neighbour was kind enough to help watch the boys while all of our kids played and I started on dinner. But sadly I only read the second half of the directions and didn't cook the squash for long enough, resulting in a meal of fish and only fish at the appointed time. I quickly opened a can of corn, my kitchen a disaster, hungry boys and feeling grumpy about my squash. Necessity caused me to pull it together and try to salvage my mistake. I'm happy to report that after a decent meal of fish and corn, we were able to finish it off with a dessert of butternut squash... and yes it really was that good to be considered a dessert. Joel gave it five stars and I believe described it as "insane"... definitely worth the wait.

So if you're looking for a delicious side dish or even just a lighter meal, that's easy (if you read the directions right) and perfect for this time of year, I present to you.....

Butternut Squash with Sage Bread Crumbs

1 butternut squash (2 lb)

2 T olive oil

1/2 t each salt and pepper

1 1/2 cups fresh bread crumbs (I eyeballed it but used less, just store bought)

1/2 cups shredded old white Cheddar cheese

2 cloves garlic, pressed

1 t dried sage

Cut squash in half lengthwise; remove seeds. Place cut up side on lined baking sheet. Brush with half of the oil; sprinkle with half each of the salt and pepper. Roast in 425F oven for 30 minutes (this is the part I neglected to do at first, so it was done later).

Stir together bread crumbs, cheese, garlic, sage and remaining oil salt and pepper; sprinkle onto squash. Roast until topping is crisp and golden and squash is tender, 15 to 20 minutes.

**Found in the September 2011 issue of Canadian Living**

Our Backyard

2011-09-25T19:33:00.004-04:00

Last weekend I completed a little project I had been thinking about for awhile... a new backyard set up for the boys. I've always found it hard to be outside with them, except when they are confined to the wagon or stroller. They dart in different directions, and having a small yard it doesn't take many seconds before they are in the neighbour's territory. We live in condo townhouses so we have our own little backyard section, but the fences only are as long as our patios so the back part is connected with my neighbours. The downside, not a ton of privacy. The upside, there is lots of space to run (possibly a downside with toddlers) and easy to get to know your neighbours. Anyways, I've been determined to spend more time outside so with two toddlers, that meant having enough distractions to keep them from escaping. Our space is small, but removing the patio furniture for the season, we had a bit of room to work with. The boys loved the playhouse that was up at my parents farm so I thought that might be fun. I hunted for a few weeks on Kijiji and finally found a good one for a great deal as well as the slide. The teeter totter was passed on by friends.

I would love my boys to have a big yard to run around in, woods to explore, creeks to play in, making toys out of things from nature, but the reality is that I live smack in the middle of the suburbs so I make do with what I have and put up with a little more plastic than I'd like. I'm also wary of my boys having too much 'stuff'. It's tricky at this age to keep them distracted in a small space. I am happy to have spent only $90 on our entire set-up. I also like that because our backyards are connected we can share what we have with the other kids in the neighbourhood. Yesterday while playing out back, we had a few kids join us while we chatted with their parents and the other neighbours on either side of us. I liked the little community feel to it and am looking forward to many hours outdoors before the snow hits. Fall is my favourite season and I plan to enjoy it!

My Love-Hate Relationship With Facebook...

2011-09-22T15:25:00.005-04:00

...and the general online world. I've now been on Facebook for more than four years. I first discovered it while living in Zimbabwe, of all places. On a frequent trip to town where our internet connection was a billion times faster than in the bush (but still dial up!) I received an invite from a friend and was able to connect, thus resulting in many an hour spent in the guest house lounge, reconnecting with friends. Living on the other side of the world in moderate isolation, this was very welcome. When I got back to the world of high-speed connections, it took off. It was so much fun finding old friends. My best friend in grade 4 moved to Greece and after a few exchanged letters we lost touch, never to be heard from again. Over the years I tried to find her (yes, even paid for a Classmates.com membership in my attempts), which never happened until I discovered Facebook. Almost everyone I know, even my parents are on it... my husband being one of the few who hasn't given in. (don't do it babe, you'll hate it!)

What do I like about Facebook? I like that as a new mom I've been a little less isolated than I would have been without it. I like asking questions and getting answers from people who have been there, done that, or are at least struggling to figure it out like I am. I like that it's reconnected me with people that have led to many real-life interactions that wouldn't have happened otherwise...friends we get together with more, playdates for the boys, high school friends coming to visit after years and years. I had help at some point of almost everyday in the first few months of my boys' life, often because of my requests sent out to the FB world. I've been able to help out other people who needed it, because their needs were made known. I have watched friends' children grow and shared in the joys and sorrows of life with many. I'm not saying that none of this wouldn't have happened without it, but it has certainly helped.

What I don't like about Facebook? I waste WAY too much time on it. I know WAY more about people's lives than I need to and am far more interested than I care to admit. I don't like that I check it multiple times a day and it's the first thing I run to when the boys are down for a nap, largely because I can sit on my butt and check out of all things requiring any energy. I don't like that it exposes my various levels of self-absorbtion. Why am I really sharing THAT thing... because I want to brag, make myself look better, I feel self-righteous even though I don't want to admit it? I don't like that I sometimes choose to spend time on it, instead of choosing my family, my husband, my real-life friendships, God, my home etc. etc. And it's not just Facebook, it's the internet in general. One search leads to another link, to another, to another and all of the sudden I'm looking up some blog post about the latest drama on the Bachelor Pad. Really? Yes, I admit it's true. Sad.

So I struggle. Something that can be so great and positive that I'm not ready to do away with altogether. But also something that sucks away the time and energy I could be spending on things that really matter. How do you balance it? Set time limits? I have changed the way I use it. First of all, if you're not someone who ever interacts with me on there, you are limited to what you can see. My "friends" who I have zero interaction, can't see photos... it's only for people who care. I try to make my posts less self-absorbed and generally things that are beneficial. I share my needs/wants (I'm a big fan of all things used), ask my mommy questions, and ocassionally yes, I brag about my boys or mention something fairly meaningless or silly just because I want to. I'm okay with that. I like when posts lead to interaction and shared ideas.

I know I'm not alone in this. I know there are others out (almost everyone?) who spends more time in the online world than you probably want to. How do you balance the virtual world with the real world, and if possible make the two intersect? If you struggle like me or have figured it out to some degree I'd love to hear what has worked, or not worked, for you!

Slow Cooker Chicken Taco Soup

2011-09-18T19:05:00.004-04:00

Last week I tried a new recipe, Slow Cooker Chicken Taco Soup. This has been in my "Recipes to Try" folder for well over a year and I was ready to attempt it. My verdict? It's a keeper. First, it's made in a slow cooker so all the work is done well before the crazy dinner hour. Bonus! Secondly, I don't like cooking meat, especially chicken. So a recipe that requires me to simply place it on top of some other ingredients, is a winner in my books. Other things I liked... it's healthy, has lots of protein, requires very little prep (ie. opening some cans) and is great for leftovers. And it was also a hit with my boys. It'll definitely only be eaten on a bath night around here in the future. Here's the recipe incase you want to try it!

1 onion, chopped
1 (16 ounce) can chili beans (I don't know what chili beans are so I used white kidney beans)
1 (15 ounce) can black beans
1 (15 ounce) can whole kernel corn, drained
1 (8 ounce) can tomato sauce
1 (12 fluid ounce) can or bottle beer (I used chicken stock as I wanted it toddler friendly)
2 (10 ounce) cans diced tomatoes with green chilies, undrained (I used crushed tomatoes with no green chilies...one 24oz. can)
1 (1.25 ounce) package taco seasoning
3 whole skinless, boneless chicken breasts
shredded Cheddar cheese (optional... but who doesn't love cheese?!?)
sour cream (optional)
crushed tortilla chips (optional... but I recommend it!)

Directions
Place the onion, chili beans, black beans, corn, tomato sauce, beer, and diced tomatoes in a slow cooker. Add taco seasoning, and stir to blend. Lay chicken breasts on top of the mixture, pressing down slightly until just covered by the other ingredients. Set slow cooker for low heat, cover, and cook for 5 hours.
Remove chicken breasts from the soup, and allow to cool long enough to be handled. Stir the shredded chicken back into the soup, and continue cooking for 2 hours. Serve topped with shredded Cheddar cheese, a dollop of sour cream, and crushed tortilla chips, if desired.

**Note: I mostly buy the "no salt" versions of canned goods and broth to keep the sodium down. I figure you can always add a little salt later if needed.**

Busy Bags

2011-09-13T15:04:00.003-04:00

Last night while camped out in front of the TV with Joel, I was busy cutting up paper and counting out rocks. A month or so ago I was invited to be part of my first Busy Bag swap. What's a Busy Bag? It's a bag that contains a homemade activity that a preschooler can do by themselves to keep them busy. I am not highly creative and don't have a ton of extra time but landed on this simple activity that involes counting with rocks (the internet is full of great ideas). My boys aren't quite at the age where they can do these activities but I plan to start collecting them for the future. Nine of us are participating so I created 9 bags of the same thing and after the swap I'll have 9 different ones for my boys. I'm really excited to see what we get! And for those of you with toddler-aged kids, I plan to host my own sometime in the new year. I love that they are simple, homemade and a creative way to keep kids occupied. Thanks Letitia for inviting me to be part of this! I'll let you all know what fun activities we aquire!

Back on the Workout Train

2011-09-07T09:35:00.002-04:00

My new BFF...she's pretty hardcore as you can see!

So as you may have read about here I've been struggling a bit with the post-weaning state of my body. I did an intense month of working out in June, didn't see results, got discouraged and took the whole summer off. Looking good or not, I believe exercise is important. Few of us perform labour intensive jobs all day where we're strengthening our bodies the way they need to be. Sure, if you're a farmer, you might not need a separate workout time, but I don't know any. I was also watching a program that talked about how being thin does not equal healthy. They featured one woman who looked quite healthy on the outside, but who didn't exercise and her internal health and percentage of body fat wasn't what it should be. Especially as women, we need some weight bearing exercise to help keep our bones strong. I believe in prevention. Too many season of the Biggest Loser have convinced me that I don't want to become one of those moms who "never took time for myself" (not that there aren't often WAY deeper issues than that) and end up in a life or death situation. I also want to stay as healthy as I can for my family, and, let's be honest, I also want to look the best I can.

So I have a renewed commitment to make time for my workouts. Several years ago I started a little Facebook workout club where we choose a certain amount of time (often a few months) and each person chooses how many workouts they want to complete. Then we check in every two weeks by email and track our progress. It seems to work for me. Although I haven't been perfect, accountability of others works to motivate me. In the past I've printed a calendar and given myself a sticker for each workout... yes, the four year old in me shining through, but it's very satisfying! The workout club is back on and I've commited to 22 by the end of October. So far, one down. A bit of a slow start but I'll get there. The benefit of my boys still napping twice a day is that I do have time, and when they go down to one, I'll make the time. We all have it if we want it... get up earlier, watch one less TV show, say 'no' to something else that's not as important. I'm sure that'll be a struggle when it comes around. I'm hoping to lose a few pounds, tone up a bit and replace a few of my treats with healthy alternatives like fruit. I will enjoy my daily taste of chocolate, the occasional weekend bowl of popcorn or ice cream, but all in moderation. There are many times I fail (like the entire summer) but I think the key is to just pick up where you are and decide to do something today to make it better. And I'm thankful for my growing group of friends commited to staying active and helping to keep me on track!

Pressing the Reset Button

2011-09-01T10:36:00.005-04:00

My list for September. You know you want one ;)

It's September 1st and since I've pretty much always been a student or a teacher, in my mind it's the start of the year. Not that life has been chaotic, but I want to be a bit more on organized and on top of things. I made a list of things that I want to get done around the house each month. Some are weekly, some every two weeks, some just once. I divided things up and made a week-by-week list of what I want to accomplish. Who knew creating something simple in Word could be so satisfying. Feel free to mock me, but I'm a stay-at-home mom and I'm embracing the domestic life!! :) I'm hoping it helps.

Joel and I have been working hard around the house getting it more organized. I've been going through closets, and cupboards, purging things that are expired or no longer used. This morning I organized my recipes, scrubbed the shoe mats and cleaned out under the kitchen sink... things that have neglected for awhile. Joel is attacking the basement, getting rid of a bunch of stuff. Our goal is to make a second play space for the boys and a work space for me. Aside from laundry and working out, we have a whole floor of the house that doesn't really get used.

While not the most thought provoking or deep posts, this is what I've been up to lately and it feels good. There are few things more satisfying to me than being organized, checking things off lists and having a home free of clutter. What do you do to stay on top of the domestics of life? Are you a more "I'll clean it when it's dirty" type? Do you have lists? I love learning from others!

My Dinner Dilemma

2011-08-29T10:04:00.003-04:00

Saturday's big batch cooking

I don't like making dinner. I'm not the biggest lover of cooking. Unlike some of my good friends, there's nothing in me that wants to spend all day making something that will be eaten in a matter of minutes. I like simple meals that don't take a ton of prep time. It's also a challenge with two toddlers roaming around, trying to take any opportunity to get in a cupboard, their toys strewn all over the floor and often needing attention. Because the boys are still napping twice a day, the late afternoon is often the best time to get out and go for a walk or play outside. Joel used to do a lot of the cooking. He enjoys it and he's good at it. But we like to eat dinner as a family so that means it now needs to be ready as soon as he gets home so there is time for baths and the evening routine before the glorious 7pm bedtime!

One of my goals for the fall is to make dinner less stressful. I have to feed my family so it's not really an option. Something I want to do more of is big-batch cooking... making large quantities of food to freeze so I can easily pull something out to defrost but it's still homemade. If you have the space I think a big freezer is a great investment. On Saturday I made five dinner's worth of one of our family favourites, chicken broccoli casserole. If you've hung around me long enough, I'm sure I've served it to you. Joel BBQ'd all of the chicken at once and I had a ton of broccoli from our trip to the farmer's market. The best part is that making large quantities doesn't require that much more work. I've also been pulling out recipes from magazines that I'd like to try and am hoping to attempt at least two a month. I'll let you know if I discover any good ones. My other ways to ease the dinner-time stress are to make a weekly meal plan. We brainstormed a list of all the meals we like to make so I can easily look at what we haven't had in awhile. And I want to do as much prep as possible earlier in the day. We'll see how it all goes.

In the mean time I'll share with you this weekend's recipe incase you don't already have it! Just double it, triple it etc. for several yummy meals. It's easy and freezes well.

Chicken Broccoli Casserole

3-4 chicken breasts, cooked and cubed
1 head of brocolli, cut into small pieces
2 cans cream of chicken soup (use more if you like it saucier)
1/2 cup mayo (I use Miracle Whip)
1 t. lemon juice
1 T. curry powder or to taste (I use a lot more)
cheddar cheese
breadcrumbs
rice

1. In a 9x13 pan sprayed with cooking spray, spread out broccoli and cooked chicken.
2. Mix together soup, mayo, lemon juice and curry powder. Pour over top of chicken and broccoli.
3. Top with shredded cheddar cheese and bread crumbs.
4. Bake at 350 degrees for approx. 45 minutes or until top is browned and bubbly. Serve over rice.

Let me know if you try it or have any dinner making tips!

Daycare Day One

2011-08-26T14:21:00.005-04:00

Photo taken by Joel at the St. Jacob's market

Yesterday was a big day in our house. Although I plan to primarily stay home with my boys (read about my decision here), I do feel like it's best for everyone if I can get out of the house once or twice a week. I'll be supply teaching at my school which I'm really looking forward to. I know the people, it's a comfortable environment and it's work I enjoy. We are extremely thankful that we've found and awesome woman who is willing to watch the boys on a part-time and flexible basis. So yesterday was a trial day for her to get to know the boys and for them to get to know her.

I'm not going to lie. It started off rough. While Caleb adjusted as if he'd spent every day of his life there, Micah very quickly let us know that he was not happy with the situation, crying and reaching for us. I hadn't prepared myself for that. When we have babysitters or drop them off in the church nursery we don't have problems. I just assumed it would be more of the same, so I hadn't planned through our approach if there was resistance. In the moment we decided that leaving and letting him work it out with the help of our friend, would be best. After all, we knew he was in good hands. I sat on the porch for a few minutes listening to my child screaming in ways I've rarely heard, just wanting to run in and rescue him. He wasn't the only one in tears. If I could do it again and had thought it through, we would have eased him in, stayed for awhile, been slower. But once we left I knew it would be worse to come back. We stayed in the area for breakfast and received two reassuring phone calls from our daycare provider letting us know he had settled and was doing fine. A weight had been lifted off our shoulders. I'm thankful for the resilience of children despite the mistakes we make as parents.

Once the drama was over, Joel and I ended up having a wonderful day (he took it off so we could take advantage of no kids). We went tubing in the Elora Gorge, which was fun minus the few minutes of cold rain in a slow spot of the river. Then we enjoyed a Mennonite buffet and time wandering through St. Jacob's market. We ended with a competitive game of mini golf which I lost, although not quite as badly as I usually do (oddly enough I went to golf camp in high school and was the top putter in my class!). At least I am still the reigning champion of UNO! It was wonderful to have a day off from the usual work-home life and be together. We were eager to see our boys though and happily spied on them playing in the backyard when we arrived.

I'm looking forward to putting on my teacher hat once or twice a week come September and for my boys to interact more with other people. I know it'll be good for all of us!

Milestones

2011-08-23T15:14:00.004-04:00

No, not the restaurant although it is quite good! I'm taking about baby milestones. Or I guess they are toddlers now! Last week Micah took his first real steps. He had taken a few small ones before but it was the first time that he actually walked across the room. Although his main form of transportation is still crawling, he's starting to walk more and more, usually hanging onto something and then taking off until he falls on his knees. He is quite steady and it's fun to watch. Caleb on the other hand, although not so interested in walking yet, is developing quickly in language. His vocabulary is growing and he mimicks many words and sounds. They are both also starting to take off with sign language. While the first few signs seemed to take forever to learn, they are picking it up a lot easier now. A week or so ago, Caleb needed help. Not knowing the sign for "help" I made one up on the spot, tapping my hand on my head. The plan was to look up the real one later, but they both picked up on it right away so now that's the way they ask for help, which they currently love to do! I love how different they are and the things they excel at. This toddler stage is so busy, they are into everything and sometimes I lose my patience. But watching them learn new things and their joy in discovery is wonderful. It makes the hard times so worthwhile. I LOVE that I get a front row seat to their lives. What a privilege!

I Triple Dog Dare You...

2011-08-22T10:04:00.003-04:00

Are you really going to back down from that? :)

So as I'm starting to get back into blogging a bit more, I'm curious who's reading this. I've never done much to gain readers and I don't care much about numbers. For me, the blog is a chance to get down my thoughts about whatever is currently on my mind... a lazy version of a journal since I rarely put pen to paper anymore (a lost art I would like resurrect someday). Just like flipping through the pages of old journals, it's fun to look back. And for those who are interested, I'm happy for you to read along and share your thoughts. But lately the curiosity has been growing about who lands here. I know there are a faithful few who sometime leave comments. I'm not great at leaving comments on other blogs although I'm trying to get better as I know how much I love when someone does here. So, if you're willing, take 30 seconds and indulge me. Let me know who you are, that you're reading. And if you'd prefer, it's easy to remain anonymous... if you don't want to give your name, perhaps tell me where you're from or how you found this. I know there aren't a ton of you, but regardless it's nice to know your audience. Even if you've never left a comment before or never do again, it would still be great to hear from you just this once. I triple dog dare you!! Thanks in advance to those who take the time!

Worn Out & Unmotivated

2011-08-18T14:03:00.003-04:00

Sorry, I know that's a depressing title, but that's how I'm feeling today. I'm currently worn out from motherhood. Although my boys aren't walking yet, they are into everything. I love that they are curious little creatures and constantly discovering new things, but it is tiring. They can now open every single cupboard in my kitchen, they love to pull out the heating duct covers (who knows what treasures I will find down there) and they often throw food from their high chairs. I know it's all just a phase and "this too shall pass" is constantly running through my head, but in the middle of it, it's a bit overwhelming. I'm of the camp that believes you can teach and train kids certain things, even at a young age, while being realistic about where they are at developmentally. My challenge is, being a rookie at this whole mom thing and only taking one course in child psychology which I've long since forgotten, I don't always know what's developmentally appropriate. For example, I've chosen not to put child locks on all my cupboards. My goal is to teach my boys that they are out of bounds. They have two drawers they can go into and I'm thinking of adding one cupboard, but the others aren't for them. Cleaning supplies and other harmful substances have been moved to top shelves, but of course they are still fascinated by a cupboard full of pots, or lifting the lid on the compost bin. I am constantly redirecting them and when I'm pulling one away, the other sees that as a perfect opportunity to go for it. Smart little guys! I know lots of people who didn't do child locks so I know it can be done. It just takes a lot of time and effort. And it's tiring me out!! It's the path I've chosen with lots of trial and error and adjusting along the way, but I really hope to see a pay off soon. And I totally get why people do a ton of babyproofing. No judging here!

On the unmotivated side, I've been having a few weeks of laziness. I realize I take care of twins and that IS enough, but I have other things I want to accomplish. I think we generally do a good job of keeping our house in order. Dishes get washed three times a day (not the permanent norm, but I'm washing trays and bibs anyways), we go to bed with a clean kitchen and tidy house, I keep up with the laundry. But it's those little, or not so little things like scrubbing the shoe mat after a winter of sludge, cleaning out the fridge (can someone please explain to me how so much crap gets under the crisper drawers??), organizing recipes I've pulled from magazines, or just purging all the stuff that doesn't get used. My boys still nap twice a day so I DO have time to work on some of it, but lately I have no motivation to do any of it. I waste time surfing the internet or other mindless things. I don't really feel guilty about it. That's not the problem. My value doesn't come from how many things I can check off a list each day and I think it's good to have down time. The issue is that I really want to get organized and press the res-set button on our house. But obviously my actions prove that I want to rest more. Oh well. Eventually I'll get my butt in gear.

How do you motivate yourself to do things when you just don't feel like it?

Inequality

2011-08-17T11:23:00.003-04:00

I believe in equal rights for all people, regardless of sexual orientation. A friend posted this blog on Facebook which I found very powerful. I'll let it speak for itself. Please take a look. I just have to share one of my favourite quotes heard recently from Whoopi Goldberg... "If you're against gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person." Love it!

Consumerism

2011-08-15T09:50:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I needed a break from my boys (yes, it happens once in awhile!), so while Joel was in charge of things on the homefront, I got to do whatever I wanted. Wanting to do something I haven't done in awhile, I decided to go shopping at the nearby Heartland Town Centre where you can find just about any store you want. I hadn't been since sometime before the boys were born. I started walking from store to store, browsing the aisles of clothes, shoes and fashion accessories. But while I was enjoying the time outside of my home, I quickly became uncomfortable. I've been thinking a lot lately about the kind of life I want to live, the kind of life we want to live as a family. Simplicity is a big part of that. It's something I'm not good at. I fail all the time, but I really want to practice going against the cultural norm of accumulating more "stuff". I started to see slogans like "must haves for the fall", "because you deserve it" etc. Such lies.

How in the world, with a closet and drawers FULL of clothes, did I end up looking for more? Why has shopping become a hobby, something to do just for fun, not because we need something... and I use the word "need" very loosely as few things are necessities. I don't need any more stuff. Really, I don't. I don't need that shirt just because it's on sale (my weakness) or because I don't have one in that exact colour. I don't need those boots because they are the latest trend. And yet, I came home with a new shirt. It wasn't expensive but I don't need it. The excuse in my head was that the store supports the company Joel works for. Pathetic, I know. The truth is, it was $16 I could have given away to help someone in need. If a hungry child was put in front of me as well as the shirt I would have chosen to feed the child. I don't think it's wrong to have nice things, but if I do, I want to make sure I'm giving a heck of a lot of money away. We are wealthy. No, not middle class. Wealthy! The majority of people reading this are among the wealthiest in the world, having FAR more than most around the globe. But we feel entitled. I know I do. It's a constant struggle and the tension we live in. I'm trying to figure out how to do it well. How do I enjoy a nice dinner out with my husband, when they money we spend could probably feed hundreds? I think there's a way to do it, without feeling guilty about every dollar I spend, but also thinking beyond the norms of our culture and giving generously.

If you are someone who values simplicity and generosity, or at least wants to, what are some ways you're working towards it? Ideas always welcome! :)

Famine in Africa

2011-08-11T09:49:00.002-04:00

Photo via

Hopefully anyone reading this knows by now that there is a famine in the horn of Africa. If you don't, please get yourself caught up. The UN is calling it the world's worst humanitarian disaster. It's estimated that 29,000 children under the age of 5 have died in the last 90 days and millions are at risk. Media attention seems to be picking up but I'm still shocked at the limited amount of coverage it's getting. I listen to CBC radio every morning which includes several news reports and the "World Report" and I rarely hear this famine mentioned. It baffles me. When people die in terrorist attacks, riots, natural disasters it is all over the news (rightly so). Maybe because this is ongoing it's not the top story, but it needs to be. In some ways it is complicated... why this is happening, the politics involved. But in other ways it's very simple. Thousands of people are desperate and dying and I believe it's our responsibility to help. Period.

I have given money, signed petitions and am trying to stay informed. I'm also trying to get the word out on places like Facebook and it's obvious some people do care which is encouraging. But I want to do more. I know I need to give more. I have a hard time spending extra money on the luxuries of life when people are days, minutes, seconds away from starvation. Last night I watched this great video featuring Bono and K'naan. I found it challenging. Some mothers are having to choose between children to feed or leaving their dead children on the side of the road so they can continue on to look for food. I know this is on the other side of the world, but as a mother if I try to imagine what that's like, enter the situation as best as I can, I want to do more. What can I go without so that I can give more and help save lives? There is plenty. Have you done something to help? If not, can you? Will you? To quote Bono, "It's not our intentions, it's our actions."

Summer Vacation

2011-08-08T15:03:00.003-04:00

This past week Joel took the week off work for a much needed vacation. His last vacation days were over Christmas which was a bit of a bust. My Grandma had just passed away, we were all sick on Christmas day and then ended up in the hospital for several days with the boys. Not very relaxing or enjoyable. His other vacation days last year were spent at home helping in the early weeks of the boys. We were ready for a break!

Since the boys are still napping twice a day and mobile, but not yet walking, we figured we'd stay with the familiar. So we headed to the farm for several days. We saw both of my brothers and their families and my parents were there as well. Highlights included lots of time reading (I was on my third book when we left), sleeping in every day (a bonus of having a husband who LIKES to get up early...crazy, I know!), riding the waves of Georgian Bay with my brother on a stormy day, Micah's first steps (and last for the moment... no new attempts) and watching my boys explore the farm. I'm thankful to have such a wonderful place in our family to go and relax. Every season there is beautiful and unique in its own way. When we came home we enjoyed a day with friends and some more relaxing at home.

Vacations aren't what they used to be. As a teacher I have great time off, so that would often mean a March Break trip to Cuba, camping or cottaging in Muskoka, day trips to Niagara-on-the Lake or Stratford. Now with two little toddlers in tow, we don't go too farm from the comforts of home or the farm and we don't DO much. It's a new normal, but I like it. I know as our kids gets older we will get more adventurous again. There's lots of time for that. But for now I enjoy the simple pleasures of getting out of my house and being together as a family. Joel is such an involved dad that having him around really is a vacation.

As I'm back to the usual stay-at-home mom gig. I have a big "Household Projects" list on my fridge, left-over from my spring cleaning attempts, that I'd like to get done before my summer ends and have my life in some kind of organized order. But summer's not over yet. I plan to enjoy a few more BBQs, lots of fresh Ontario peaches and corn-on-the cob, bike rides, sitting on our patio and long evenings with my favourite people. What do you like best about summer?

6 Years

2011-07-28T14:07:00.003-04:00

That's how long I've been married to my amazing husband. The years keep rolling by. While I don't really believe in "the one", I absolutely believe I married the right guy for me. Our marriage isn't perfect, we definitely have things to work on, but we're both one hundred percent committed to making our relationship the best it can be. And I think a huge part of that is time. As we prepared to welcome two babies into the world, just over a year ago, I wondered what kind of impact the huge transition would have on our marriage. I can honestly say it's only gotten better. Joel is a an amazing, hard working, fully engaged dad and watching him with our boys makes me fall even more in love with him. There's nothing sexier than a man changing diapers ;) But another thing, that I know not everyone will agree with, is that our relationship with each other comes first, before our relationship with our boys. Although we haven't done it perfectly, we try to make time together a priority. Just a few weeks after we became parents we went out for dinner on our first date, and we frequently have babysitters so we can get out (the bonus of a 7pm bedtime is that we can put our boys down and then go out... they don't miss out on us, and babysitting consists of watching TV at our house. Bonus for everyone!) One of the best gifts I think you can give your children is the example of a strong, healthy marriage.

Last night we enjoyed a wonderful meal out at a local inn. While we ate delicious food and drank delicious wine, we reflected on the past and dreamed of the future. But I also enjoyed the present, spending time with the person I love most in this world, who challenges me, encourages me, teaches me and loves me despite my faults. No doubt there will be some bumps, maybe even some mountains ahead, but I'm thankful for the person I get to be on the journey with. I love you Joel. Happy 6 years! xoxo

Jealousy

2011-07-26T10:20:00.002-04:00

Yes, it's an ugly word, but it's something I struggle with. Currently there are two areas I'm struggling with that are somewhat related. One is being jealous of moms who can easily cart their kids wherever they want. I know lots of twin moms who are constantly going out with their kids but this is something I've found a challenge. Partly it's just fear... fear that they'll both completely lose it at once and I won't be able to handle it. I'm not sure why that paralyzes me so much as my boys almost never lose it and have been overall really great wherever we take them. I've been trying to combat that fear recently and just bite the bullet and do it. Recent successes have been a trip to Coscto with the boys and taking them to a chiropractor appointment with me. They were awesome both times. It's a lot of organizing, figuring out what to do with one boy while I put the other in the car etc., but I can make it work. And don't get me wrong, I don't ever wish I didn't have two of them, but I sometimes hear stories from my mom friends of singletons who take their kids everywhere, feeding them on the go and it seems so much harder for me. I spend so much time at home. I'm trying to remember that it's just a phase and it will get easier.

The other thing I get jealous of is friends with big yards, or maybe not even big yards, just yards with fences. We live in a condo townhouse complex which means our grass is cut for us (yes, it's nice!) but our fences only go halfway so they can get through. This makes it nearly impossible to hang out in the yard with the boys without Joel around. We took them out the other evening and they basically needed one-on-one attention as they were off in different directions. After a long winter indoors, I am craving the sunshine and fresh air. We make do with short walks and trips to the park where we all enjoy the confinement of the baby swings.

In the big picture, these are very trivial things. I am blessed with so much and I don't like feeling the way I do. I think the antidote to jealousy and discontentment is thankfullness. When my mind goes to wishing for things I don't have, I try to think of all that I do have. I have healthy boys, I can afford to stay home with them (even if sometimes staying home all the time makes me a bit loopy), we have a roof over our head, plenty of food, we have a yard, albeit small. The list could go on. Gratitude is something I've been reading and thinking a lot about. I wish I didn't get jealous of people and their circumstances but sometimes I do. I'm hoping that as I make gratitude more central to my life, it's something that I'll get better at.

A Weekend Getaway

2011-07-18T09:29:00.003-04:00

While on a birthday date in May, Joel surprised me with a weekend away to see my new favourite band, Lady Antebellum. We dropped the boys off at my parents and started on the long trek to Sarnia for Bayfest, with stops at Subway for lunch and Lick's for a bonus milkshake (mmm, SO good!). We checked into a quiet Bed and Breakfast in Petrolia, about half an hour from Sarnia and explored the small town to find dinner... a short walk through the three block strip. Then it was concert time.

I never in a million years would imagine that our first real overnight date would be at a Countryfest. I never really considered myself a country fan, but Lady Antebellum is country and I think they're awesome. I first discovered them while watching Ellen last year. Just pure talent and I'm always a fan of bands who have a piano. I like the story-telling aspect of the music and the simplicity of a few instruments and some great voices. We were packed into the crowd, surrounded by mostly teenagers sporting short shorts and cowboy hats, singing along to all the words. It was an interesting to see as I don't think I've ever met a country-loving teenager where I live. They were there for a good time, and a good time was had by all. Some musicians don't sound that great live, without the help of a recording studio, but I was pleasantly surprised and felt like I was listening to their album. They played all of my favourite songs, including this, this, this and this.

The boys had a great time with my parents and didn't see to have any issues being gone for us from 24 hours. It was so nice to stay up late, go on a road trip, enjoy good music and have extended alone time with Joel. I feel refreshed and am thankful for such a great opportunity!

First Birthday

2011-06-09T09:33:00.004-04:00

The floor needs mopping, the house needs tidying, carrots need to be pureed, I need to shower (do I sound like a mom?), but first I want to quickly reflect on the past year. Today my amazing little boys turn one! How did that happen? In some ways it feels like forever, but it has also flown by, just like everyone said it would. It has been a challenge, but it's also been...dare I say... a little easier than I expected the first year with twins to be. Don't get me wrong, it's busy and there are always new things to figure out, but most days I feel like things are somewhat under control. I guess I pictured constant chaos, little sleep and absolutely no time to myself. Add a few more kids and that might be the case. And they've been pretty laid-back babies.

It's been so amazing watching my little guys grow and develop. Activity time used to be me laying them on a blanket and they might move their arms a bit. Now they are crawling everywhere, climbing onto toys, cruising furniture, laughing, babbling and interacting with each other. It really is so much fun being a mom of twins. I'm excited for the year ahead... walking, talking, new independence and challenges. I have a feeling it'll be a little crazier but we'll figure it out as we go. I love being a mom. I consider it a privilege, not a right. I make mistakes. Sometimes I'm not as loving or as engaged as I should be. I get impatient. I set my standards too high and I get disappointed in myself. But I'm learning and I have so many awesome moms around me to help me out. I'm honoured (and a little intimidated) to be entrusted with the responsibility of raising two little people. With God's help, we'll do our best. Happy Birthday Boys! I'm so thankful for you and love being your mom!

Thanks Goodness for Stretchy Pants

2011-05-31T09:39:00.004-04:00

*I wrote this entry at the end of May but never posted it for fear of sounding a little too self-absorbed. But it is one of my current life issues, and hey, it's my blog, so here you go. Update coming soon!*

I had a sad moment the other day. It was finally a warm day so I brought up all my summer clothes from the basement, ready to exchange them for my winter sweaters. I opened up my Grandma's old carpeted suitcase where I store them (it's pretty cool!), and pulled out the first pair of capris. They didn't fit. Then I tried on a pair of shorts. They didn't fit either. It's been two years since I wore any of them, at least the bottoms. Last summer I was recovering from a twin pregnancy and stuck to my comfy, maternity clothes or stretchy workout wear.

I had done pretty well at losing most of my pregnancy weight with little effort, which I contribute solely to breast feeding. I had a few pounds to go but had heard it was good for milk making to keep a few extra around so I wasn't worried. And then I weaned and the scale went up. I'm not really sure what happened. Definitely part of it has to do with not needing as many calories as I dropped feeds and not changing my eating habits along with it. I'm wondering too if there are some funky hormonal changes going on in my body too that are contributing to it. Who knows. What I do know is that aside from when I was carrying around two other human beings, the scale has never been higher. For someone who has weighed pretty much the same, give or take a few pounds, since high school, it is slightly traumatic.

I wish I didn't care so much. I know it sounds completely self-absorbed (and probably is), but it's the current battle I'm facing. Birthing babies has inevitably changed my body, and I can accept that, but I actually think it's okay to try and put some effort in to get rid of these few extra pounds. It's not a lot and numbers aren't that important but I'm ready to go. It's not very complicated... exercise and healthy eating. I don't believe in diets. They don't work unless you're willing to stick to them for the rest of your life, and who is? It means figuring out a lifestyle that will work for me. I used to have two breakfasts and two lunches. Two of those can go. I don't really need a snack before bed either. I still plan to eat ice cream, chocolate and other treats, but I just don't need them every day. Moderation! But my big change will be exercise. I've always been a moderately active person, and I've been working out fairly consistently post-babies. But I've been taking it fairly easy. I need to bump up my intensity and get a good sweat going. I've been craving it. I have no deadline. I think slow and steady is best. In the mean time, I'll wear my stretchy pants

Closed for Business

2011-05-27T10:29:00.002-04:00

It's the end of an era. On Monday I breastfed my boys for the last time. It was definitely a bittersweet moment. As mentioned in a previous post, breastfeeding has had its ups and downs but overall it’s been a really wonderful experience. I’m still pumping for the next few weeks to ease the transition on my body so they’ll get some breast milk up until the week of their first birthday. I’m really thankful to have made it this far and although I considered continuing, I decided that I’m ready to be done. Making milk for two babies takes a lot of energy. Just how much, I don’t think I really know as I’ve done it from the start, but apparently I will be getting a new wave of energy soon? I hope so. It also takes a lot of calories. I was eating all the time, or at least attempting to. I had the luxury of not worrying about how much I consumed. The more the better. That’s not the reality anymore, but my habits have not caught up yet. Must work on that one!

What will I miss? I’ll miss the closeness and bonding, I’ll miss two pairs of eyes looking up at me as I tandem fed, I’ll miss the convenience and the cost (who doesn’t love something free?). What won’t I miss? I won’t miss rushing home in time for a feed and having to pump if I miss one. I won’t miss ugly nursing bras. I won’t miss using my heating pad and electric toothbrush as weapons against multiple blocked ducts. I won’t miss the 8+ hours a day I spent feeding in the early days. But it was all so worth it and it’s such a small fraction of my boys' lives. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I’m thankful for the twin moms who showed me it was possible and helped me with my many questions along the way... Adrienne, Tamara, Sarah, Lisa, none of whom I think read this blog but they were all awesome breastfeeding moms of twins. Although at times its felt like it has consumed all of my time and energy, it has been one of the amazing privileges of my first year of motherhood. But for now I say so long, farewell, see you next time!

My Decision to Stay Home

2011-05-19T10:45:00.002-04:00

I should be back at work right now. I started my mat leave early last year as I needed time to rest and keep growing my babies (and who’s kidding who, pregnant in the third trimester with twins and being a phys-ed teacher don’t really mix). But instead of going back to work, I’ve decided to stay home and to continue to stay home until at least September 2012 when I hope to go back very part-time until my boys are in school. I'm grateful for the flexibility my profession provides and I know that's rare. I do plan to supply teach once a week at my school to stay connected and get out of the house, plus give my boys some structured social interaction.

My decision to stay home is not one that I took lightly, but it’s what I feel is best for me and our family. There is definitely a part of me that would like to go back to work. I love my job. I love the kids, I love the influence, I love my co-workers, I love the hours, I love the holidays. I miss it, but for me, it doesn’t sit right to go back fulltime. I didn’t realize how hard being a stay-at-home mom is. As I’ve written about before, especially with twins, I’ve found it to be quite isolating. Email, Facebook and the occasional play date have been my main forms of adult interaction this year. Four milk feedings, three meals (all times two), two naps, plus diapers, meal prep and clean-up don’t leave a ton of time to get out and about. I don’t love all the domestics that go with it. Before sitting down to write, I was mopping floors and making baby food. Sometimes I feel like my biggest accomplishment in the day is folding a load of laundry, but it’s not really noticed, there are no promotions. I realize that parents who work outside of the home also have to keep up with their house and it’s no doubt a challenge.

I have some friends who wanted to stay home but ended up going back to work because of financial reasons. While I do believe that it’s sometimes necessary, it also makes me a bit sad. One of the best decisions Joel and I made as soon as we got married was to only live off of one income. I never wanted my reason to stay home be that I had to contribute to the mortgage. This meant that when we bought a house, we were fairly limited in our options. We live in a small townhouse but it would still be considered luxury to most of the world. I would love a bigger kitchen, more play space for my boys and a bigger backyard, but it really is enough (not to say we'll never move when finances allow!). When I had an income it went towards building our savings, giving, and paying down our mortgage faster, but now that it’s gone, we don’t need to live any differently than we did before. It’s something I definitely recommend to couples where one person thinks they might want to stay home in the future. I know we are fortunate that Joel has always had good, steady work and that no matter what the circumstances this is not always possible.

The main reason that I’m staying home is that I feel it’s best for my boys. I personally don’t want to send my kids to daycare all day everyday and only see them for a few hours at the beginning and end. Especially in the early years I want as much time as I can to teach them, nurture them, influence them and shape them into loving people. I feel like I can best do that by being home with them. I know there are wonderful daycares, babysitters and family members who can look after children, but for me, I feel like it’s important for us and giving up my job is a sacrifice that I am willing to make to do that, knowing that we can afford it. Obviously the workplace needs women and some feel like they can be better moms because they work. I get that. I look forward to being a little more connected with the world this year, especially once my boys go to one nap a day. I’ll be looking up the local play groups and trying to build new friendships with other moms who are home.

I have friends across the spectrum... ones that stay home, others who work part time and many who work full time outside the home. I believe they’ve made the decision that they feel is best for their family and I'm certainly not here to say one is better than the other. They are all wonderful parents with well-loved, amazing kids. There are so many factors that come into play and advantages and disadvantages to each option, but this is just where I’ve landed. If you’re a parent, I’m curious at how you arrived at the decision you did. Care to share?

Let It Rain

2011-05-17T10:02:00.002-04:00

That's not really how I feel. I'm tired of the rain. It gives me a headache, keeps me indoors and dampens my mood. I know April showers bring May flowers, but now it's May and I'm ready for the flowers. After watching our friends in Zimbabwe live through a drought year in 2007 I vowed I wouldn't complain about the rain again. Rain means life for so many people in the world and I take that for granted. While I drive two minutes to the local Loblaws for my food that is there no matter what the weather is, people all over the world are hungry because it didn't rain and their crops didn't grow. I received a letter a few weeks ago from a dear friend in Zimbabwe in which she mentioned they were still waiting for the rains. It is a big deal.

I don't want to be thankful for the rain today. To be honest, I'm feeling a bit grumpy. But somehow I'm going to dig deep in the comforts of my home, with a roof over my head, and not let it shape my attitude towards the day.

Reflections of Motherhood Part 5: Routine

2011-05-13T19:21:00.003-04:00

I did a lot of reading while I was pregnant. I wasn’t too into all the pregnancy books (except this one) as a twin pregnancy is so different from singletons, although I did enjoy my weekly emails telling me how big my babies were and read a bit about their development. What I did read about was what to do after and I’m glad I did. I like to be prepared, I like to have a plan and I knew that with twins it would be important in getting through the early months. I basically went to the people whose parenting styles I respect and found out what they did. A book that was mentioned by almost all of them was this which focused on the E.A.S.Y. routine (Eat, Activity, Sleep, You). While not everything in the book was for me, I liked the idea of a flexible routine and knowing what came next. So since day one we’ve been following that plan... the boys get fed, followed by activity time (diapers, playing, reading etc.), then naps and time for myself. Because my boys slept so much in the early days we had to wake them to eat every 3 hours and we fell into that schedule. When they were ready we stretched it out to 4 hours between milk feedings during the day and that’s where we are now. My days are somewhat predictable and I love it. I think the boys do too. People often say we are lucky that we have such great sleepers, but I attribute it to our routine and teaching our boys how to sleep well. It seems to be pretty consistent with other parents who did something similar. I don’t think luck has anything to do with it.

I am not an “on demand” parent. That doesn’t work for me, especially with two the same age. That being said, I obviously believe that parents should choose the style of parenting that works best for them (*Side note: One things I’ve observed from friends who feed on demand is that they basically feed their baby whenever they cry. I guess my main issue is that I don’t always think a cry equals hunger and there are other things that can be done. Feeding is used as form of soothing which I think can be fine in babyhood but not as healthy in later years... think of the obesity epidemic and emotional eating, which I definitely do from time to time. I’m not saying on demand feeding and obesity are linked at all, I just have some questions about what I’ve seen. Again, just MY opinion and I have no issue with my friends doing it.) I believe that ultimately it’s important to raise loving, kind and respectful children. I don’t think sharing a family bed or crib sleeping, feeding on demand or by schedule, whether or not I wear my baby or let my child cry-it-out, has that much to do with it. I personally don’t know how I would have done it without my routine, while others might like a more go-with-the-flow type approach. I’m probably also a little more structured than I would have been with one and when/if the next child comes along we’ll also have older siblings to factor in. But as I’m getting closer to the end of my first year of motherhood (*sigh*), I think I’ve done pretty well to survive with twins and I think I have my routine to thank.

Life is Precious

2011-05-04T22:45:00.003-04:00

Normally I'm in bed right now, but tonight I can't sleep. Today a friend lost her 59 year-old mom, completely unexpected. My heart aches for her tonight. My husband lost his mom six years ago very suddenly. When I heard my friend's mom was in the hospital my thoughts went back to that weekend that still seems like a bad dream. I am especially saddened that my boys will never know their Grandma and I think of my friend's young children who have now lost someone so special to them. I'm reminded today that life is precious. There is no guarantee that we'll have tomorrow. We always think it won't happen to us, to the people we love, but then it does and we're hit smack in the face with the fragility of life. I will wake up differently tomorrow, thankful for the gift I've been given.

A Challenging Week

2011-04-29T13:51:00.002-04:00

Life with twins has its challenging moments, but this is the first week where it's really hit me that it's probably going to get more and more that way. The first three months were about survival, figuring out breast feeding, teaching them to be good sleepers and lots of extra helping hands. There have been a few stages and lots of new developments, but the last few months we've been in the sweet spot. The boys have slept well (they always do!), eaten well, crawled around happily together, and been, dare I say, pretty easy. But now they are getting more active, independent and starting to know what they want.

I can't really complain but this week has just felt hard. They've both had colds which makes for boys who are a little more sensitive and whiny. Micah learned how to climb stairs and I spent most of yesterday trying to keep track of him until my brilliant husband figured out to put the playpen in front of them (our stairway is tricky so still trying to figure out a gate). My squirmy boys have made diaper changes a challenge, always flipping over and trying to crawl away midway through the process. And meals have had their moments. Micah has started hitting the spoon away, and they've generally been fussy. I think they're ready to feed themselves more although I'd like to keep pumping the cereal and purees to stay on top of their weight... one of our continual challenges

The weather hasn't helped either. It's been a dreary, rainy week and my energy has been low. I've just felt blah. During naps I usually have a bit of time to myself but devote a good chunk of it to clean-up, chores etc. This week it was all I could do to get the basics done and the rest was spent on the couch in front of the TV. I just didn't have it in me. Colds get passed around here and I was definitely next on the hit list.

I know it's all relative. I still get a full night of sleep and overall there haven't been too many meltdowns. I'm sure for some moms this would be a good week, but I'm ready to put it behind me. I'm ready to feel better, put more energy into some spring cleaning and being a better mom, and definitely ready for the sun to shine. Here's to the weekend and an awesome husband who always give me a break. Have a good one!

Who To Vote For

2011-04-26T10:45:00.003-04:00

As the federal elections are approaching in less than a week, I am trying to figure out who to vote for. They would hardly be on my radar aside from the signs I see on people's lawns and the half hour of CBC radio I listen to every morning when I feed my boys their breakfast. I confess that I find Canadian politics quite boring and to be honest, I don't really care that much (*gasp*). Perhaps I should. Perhaps I'm not being a good Canadian citizen. It's not that I don't care about politics at all or think they matter. No doubt if there was an election going in Zimbabwe I'd be following closely. I am more engaged when it comes to municipal or provincial elections. I live in Mississauga, home of Hazel McCallion and I'm happy to cast my vote to keep her in power. Provincially there is often an issue related to education I care about and it effects my profession and my children. But federally, I don't really care. I know that's bad. I'm not engaged in the issues.

This morning I used this voting compass and some of issues I didn't really have an opinion. I also used the "Find Your Candidate" tool on this website which I found interesting. They both landed me the same result. So should I just go with that? Should I get more informed? Where do I find out more about the issues? How much time should I devote to this when I'm a busy mom of two? (And yes, I know I could use the time I spend writing this blog towards that, but who's kidding who, I don't really want to). What do you do? How do you decide? Someone convince me that MY vote matters. Just some thoughts for a rainy day.

Allow Me To Brag...

2011-04-25T14:11:00.007-04:00

Photography is the hobby du jour. Everyone and their mother seems to do it now, whether it's just a hobby or a business on the side. My husband Joel, decided to get into it last year a few months before our boys were born. I may be biased, but I think in the short time he's been into it, he's gotten quite amazing. If you're a Facebook friend you'll see how his pictures have evolved, chronicling the early lives of of Micah and Caleb. But my favourite set are the ones he took this past Easter weekend of my nephews (the one above included). To me they look like they are done by a professional.

He works hard at it. Every night before bed he has his nose in a photography book learning something new and he's taken thousands and thousands of shots to practice. I'm so thrilled to have his talent in our family and if he's this good at a year, I can't wait to see what he'll come up with in the future. Although it's a popular thing to do, some of the best photos I've seen lately have been from my own husband and I feel pretty lucky. Thanks for allowing me a minute to brag about him!

Standing in the Crib

2011-04-19T21:47:00.002-04:00

My boys are amazing nappers. I spent 6 long months getting them to that point but it's paid off. But the last week has brought on a new phase... standing in the cribs. They can now pull themselves up but don't really know how to get down which is particuarly upsetting for Caleb. I spent the better part of an hour going in their rooms and continually laying them back down today. What is often a 2 hour nap on a good day became about 20 minutes where they were both asleep. From everything I've read it's just a phase and soon the novelty of standing will wear off. I have to admit though, it's pretty cute to walk in the room and see my two sons standing face to face, thoroughly enjoying each other's company.

A Facebook Break

2011-04-17T21:03:00.004-04:00

A friend and I have decided to take a week off of Facebook. I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. I hate that I waste so much time on it, usually when the boys nap, as a way to zone out and probably avoid doing other things that would be much more productive. On the other hand, it's a great way to stay somewhat connected and not feel so isolated as a stay-at-home mom. I love using it to network with other moms, ask questions and get opinions. I've also been able to reconnect with some long lost friends. Because of Facebook I had a friend come by and visit a few weeks ago from high school. We weren't even good friends back then and hadn't been in touch since, but have since reconnected through some similar life circumstances and have had some meaningful conversations.

But as Easter approaches I feel like I need a break. Partly I just want to make sure it's something I can do, because really, anyone should be able to stay away from it for a week. I'll miss finding out what someone ate for lunch, some rants about the weather and who has a cold, but I'll be okay. I want to take time to do some spring cleaning, both internally and externally. I want to reevaluate some parts of my life, think, read and pray and I need to remove the distractions. A week is not a long time, but I'm looking forward to it.

A Birth Story

2011-04-14T10:54:00.001-04:00

I thought it would be good to record how Micah and Caleb came into this world. Thanks to what I think was going off work early, eating lots and resting even more, I made it to the 38 week mark... the furthest point my doctor was willing to let me go for reasons I can’t remember (something related to twins). Hoping I’d go into labour on my own, but knowing it was unlikely, I was scheduled for an induction the morning of June 8th. I was told there was a very high chance they would just insert something and send me home to get the process started, so Joel went to work. We wanted as many of his precious vacation days being spent post-babies, not in waiting mode. So my mom drove me to the hospital, I checked in and settled into a bed where my babies’ heart rates were monitored. I was an old pro at that part having done weekly non-stress tests for several weeks prior. Eventually the doctor on duty saw me just before lunch and determined I was 2 centimetres along. The conclusion: time to break my water. “So I’m not going home?” I asked in shock. Nope. Time to call Joel and tell him to get his butt over here. My mom grabbed me some lunch and I was transferred to my labour and delivery room where I waited and waited some more. (Side note: During our many previous visits to the hospital I was careful to point out to Joel what exit to take on the highway and we practiced the route several times. Of course in his frazzled state he missed the exit, sure he would miss the birth of his babies. Thankfully we were nowhere near that point, but I found it amusing).

Several hours later the doctor came in to break my water. Seeing the long metal hook that was used to do this, it was a surprisingly pleasant experience. Then I was hooked up to a Pitosin drip to start labour. My contractions were mild and by the next check I was at 5 cm. I was thinking this whole labour thing wasn’t really as hard as they said it would be. I was quite proud of myself. Then all of the sudden in one contraction... boom! Ah yes, that is what they were talking about. Intense. Painful. Not so fun. Joel was an all-star coaching me through each contraction. Another check and I was still at 5 cm. The Pitosin was increased and so did the pain. All the while, they were closely monitoring each baby’s heart rate. At one point Baby A’s (ie. Micah) heart rate got a little higher than the doctor was comfortable with so they dropped the Pitosin back down. The downside was, I didn’t progress any further in labour. I was stuck at 5 cm. For whatever reason, I went into labour feeling like I might get stuck so I wasn’t that surprised. Unfortunately Micah’s heart rate wouldn’t go back down so eventually the doctor told me the safest thing was to get him out as soon as possible and since I wasn’t progressing, that meant a c-section. The entire time I was pregnant I didn’t want a c-section. I knew I had a much higher chance of it because of the twin- factor, but all along they were head down so things were looking good. But I also knew that giving birth often doesn’t go as planned and not to have expectations. There wasn’t much for Joel and I to talk about. If the babies came out now, she was pretty sure they would be fine. If we waited and tried to keep labouring Micah could be at risk. It was an easy decision. After a few tears and deep breaths, I was ready to go.

I didn’t feel nervous going into surgery. As they were prepping me we chatted and I told them I hadn’t found out the sexes. I basically didn’t feel a thing. Knowing it was a high possibility, I had read about c-sections to prepare. I had read about a ton of pressure and feeling like you were having a heart attack, but I didn’t feel anything besides a bit of tugging. I didn’t even realize that my babies had been born until I heard crying on the other side of the room. I found it very strange that the doctor didn’t really announce the arrival of the babies, and even stranger that she didn’t tell me what they were. I waited the entire pregnancy to find out if we were having boys, girls or both because I wanted to have that moment at birth. It was going to be even more special because I’d have that moment twice, but that part didn’t quite turned out as planned. I overhead one of the nurses say something about a brother, so I assumed that there was at least one boy but knew there were two. I remember asking, “Can someone please tell me what I had?” It wasn’t until then that they I was finally told I had two boys. Because of something to do with their sugar levels they had to be taken to the nursery right away. I gave them each a quick kiss and they were gone. I was told it would probably only be a few hours.

After getting stitched up I was wheeled back to the room where I went through some shaking spells... apparently pretty normal but not fun. Then we called some family (yes, it was about 2 am by then!) to share the news. At some point we were transferred to a semi-private room for the rest of the night. It was a rough night... trying to sleep post-surgery with another mother and baby a few feet away, Joel uncomfortable in an upright chair and just wanting to see my babies. I didn’t get a wink of sleep. At some point in the morning I started to ask when I would get my babies. I wanted to breastfeed and those early hours are important, not to mention the fact that I had virtually no bonding time with them. After a lot of inquiry, around 11am and still no babies, I got myself into a wheelchair and Joel took me to the nursery. It was a weird moment entering seeing all the tiny incubators and cribs and not being able to identify which ones were mine. When I finally got to hold them for the first time, I lost it. After all this time, I got to hold my precious baby boys.

Eventually they were both released from the nursery and we crammed their two bassinettes into our already crowded room. I attempted breast feeding which went okay and not long after Micah had to go back... something about one of his blood tests not coming back right. Thankfully it wasn’t long before they we got a private room and that made all the difference. Caleb, Joel and I spent the first night together while Micah stayed in the nursery. We finally got him back in the morning and our family felt complete. We stayed several days, thankful for the support of the nurses as I recovered and we got used to life with two little ones. I was particularly grateful for the lactation consultants that came to see us every day and helped us get started on the wonderful road of breast feeding. Overall, my birth experience was nothing like I pictured with several ups and downs but it was the end result that mattered; two beautiful, healthy little boys who were ours. There’s nothing quite like that feeling!

The Isolation of Motherhood

2011-01-15T20:06:00.000-05:00

As I prepared to become a mother, one aspect no one really talked about was the loneliness and isolation I would feel. I am constantly in the company of two other little human beings who need me to get through their day, and yet some days I just feel alone. I miss the adult interaction I had at work. I miss getting out of the house. My best friend is currently Ellen Degeneres. We hang out for an hour every day! While I love being a mom, I love feeding my boys, seeing them smile, doing new things, it is also very challenging. Each day is almost identical to the next, spent inside my cozy little home, feeding, changing diapers, moving boys to different play areas, cuddles, putting them down for naps and taking care of the domestic duties required to keep a household running smoothly.

I think I feel even more isolated as a mom of twins. I have a great routine going that helps our days go somewhat smoothly. The boys know what to expect and so do I. Overall my boys are very happy and easy to handle. But my routine is a double-edged sword. It also means that getting out of the house is difficult. First of all, we don’t have much time to get out. My boys are awake for two hours between one nap and the next. In that time I have to breast/bottle feed them, change diapers, feed them meals (they now eat solids three times a day), with a little play time and loving interaction before it’s nap time again. If I packed them up to take them somewhere, there wouldn’t be much time before I had to turn around and come home. The only outings we do are at someone’s house where I can put them down for a nap when I get there.

The other hindrance is that, well, there are two of them. Perhaps I need to work up some courage, but being out with two in public with two small babies is a little scary. I realized how different it would be with one a few weeks ago when we were in the hospital. Caleb was hooked up to an IV so was stuck in our room, but we needed some food so I strapped Micah to me and went downstairs. I just freely walked around with him, talked to a lactation consultant I knew for awhile and got us some food. It was easy and my mind went to all the wonderful things I could do. I can’t just go to the mall and find a quiet corner to breast feed my babies in if they are hungry or upset. If you’ve seen me do it, you know it requires a giant pillow and an entire couch to get the job done by myself. I plan to work on this one once the weather gets a little warmer, at least taking them around the block for a walk.

Thankfully I have a few friends who are moms and are willing to come spend the day at our house once or twice a month, but these days are rare. While I am incredibly grateful for the chance to stay home with my boys, some days it’s just hard. I know I’m taking care of two little people but some days I feel like my biggest accomplishment was getting two loads of laundry done or actually making a home-cooked meal. I know this stage won’t last forever, and I’m trying to be more present and enjoy the little moments. They will be gone all too quickly and I’ll wish for them back. I know my feelings aren’t unique but I fight them constantly.

Emma

2011-01-05T13:37:00.003-05:00

On December 21st, just a few weeks ago, my dear Grandma passed away. She and I were close and I miss her. Although she's from Ottawa she had been living in a home about 10 minutes away since June so I was blessed with a lot of time with her, creating precious memories. At her funeral, my brother shared on behalf of our siblings, some of our memories. This is what I wrote...

Grandma and I have had a special relationship being the first granddaughter after 6 grandsons. Even though she’s lived in Ottawa she has always played an active role in my life. Almost every Sunday we would talk on the phone and I have countless letters she wrote when I went away to camp or university. I always loved going to visit her and Grandpa in Ottawa. Knowing I loved fruit, she always had some ready for me when I arrived. Even when she came to visit us in Mississauga she would often bring some frozen strawberries for me that she had picked earlier in the year.. A few weeks ago when I told her about this memory while spending an evening with her at Erin Mills Lodge, she quickly offered some raspberries she had in her fridge for me to take home!

One of my most precious memories I have with Grandma is visiting her a few weeks after Grandpa passed away. It was Valentine’s Day and we ate popcorn and chocolate and talked about Grandpa. We laughed and cried together. I told her about a guy named Joel I was interested in, who I would later marry. When she first met Joel she whispered to me that he had nice eye lashes, her way of saying she approved, and a comment that she would also make about our two new sons only a few months ago. Grandma told me how much Grandpa had taught her about the Bible and how she loved it too. Her faith in God is a lasting example to all of us.

I am so thankful that Grandma got to meet and spend time with our six month old sons, Micah and Caleb. Grandma was at the same hospital recovering from her stroke, when I gave birth. She was one floor up and one room over from us and she has said over and over how amazing it was that we were both there... always looking at the positive side of things. I know my boys won’t remember their great Grandma but when they ask about her I’ll tell them she was an amazing woman, who played a mean game of golf well into her nineties, who loved God, her family and the people around her.... with heaps and heaps of love! (She signed all of her cards and letters this way, with /\'s and /\'s of love )

Reflections of Motherhood Part 4: Joel

2011-01-03T13:02:00.000-05:00

This probably should have been the first of my reflections. Joel has been such an AMAZING dad and husband (as usual) since the boys have arrived. From the day they were born he got right in there changing diapers, burping, putting them to bed, getting them up to feed and supporting me through the crazy transition into motherhood. Twins require more involvement than average from a dad but Joel has gone above and beyond. He stayed awake with me through all the middle-of-the-night feedings and spent several nights in our guest bed tending to them in the night so I could sleep a longer stretch. He still does that if there’s a chance they might wake up for whatever reason.

Joel loves the morning. He gets up early and does his best work then. But he’s sacrificed that extra hour or more at work to do the first feeding of the day with the boys, getting them up, dressed, changed and ready for the day. While he won’t do this forever, it is such a fun thing to watch and I appreciate the help during a busy time of day. When he gets home from work he is hands-on right away. When it was lighter in the evening, I would often sneak away for a walk when he got home while he took over. On weekends I often get to go back to bed, go out, or just do whatever I want between feedings. He is so comfortable with our boys, and the best part is that he loves it. I almost never change a diaper when he’s home. He also does their baths, washes bottles and continues to keep me company during feedings.

Last week I was supposed to go to Ottawa for my Grandma’s burial. We didn’t end up going because we were in the hospital with Caleb but the plan had been for Joel to take care of the boys for about 24 hours while I went. So many people were surprised that Joel was going to stay with the boys, which he found amusing. In his view, he’s a parent and should be able to take care of his kids. A lot of our good friends who are dads are also very involved and could do the same, but a friend did remind me the other day that that’s not the norm.

I knew Joel would be a great dad but he has blown away my expectations. He has helped me gain the confidence I need to take care of my boys while he’s at work, and eagerly jumps in when he’s home. He’s been my biggest encourager through the challenges of breast feeding and weight gain issues, the person I vent to when I’m frustrated and who I celebrate all the little milestones with. I think we make a darn good team. Okay, enough bragging for now... I love you Joel!

Reflections of Motherhood Part 3: Help

2010-12-07T14:37:00.001-05:00

I think help is key for the survival of any new mom, but especially a mom of twins. The first days and weeks are so overwhelming and exhausting; getting to know these two little people, learning how to feed them, trying to get a few hours of sleep and recovering from major abdominal surgery. Joel was my number one source for help (a different post about him to come) and when he went back to work after two weeks my mom took over for two more. It was nice to be handed babies while other people changed them, put them to bed and took care of their basic needs that didn’t require me.

In having twins, I had an intense fear of being by myself with them that lasted for several months. Thankfully I had so many people rally around me and come hang out with us for a few hours or even a whole day. We had a continual supply of meals which is now at the top of my list as the best gift for any new parent. When I had no one lined up, my desperate pleas on Facebook usually resulted in several guests each week. I don’t think I spent my first full day alone with the boys until sometime in mid-August, well over 2 months after they were born. And I have to say I was pretty proud of myself when I finally did.

But two friends really went above and beyond for me that I want to acknowledge; Arja and Alice. Arja, who is pregnant and now days away from giving birth to her third child, often drove an hour each way to spend the day with us. She would even arrive before 9am ready to help when the boys were up for the day. She didn’t do this once, but several days and I am extremely grateful for her willingness to drive so far and be with us. Arja, you were a huge help to me... thank you! Alice is my other hero. She and her husband Wayne have become some of our closest friends over the past few years. We love their girls like daughters and we love the way they parent them. Alice was off on maternity leave and once a week her eldest daughter would be in daycare. So what did she do with that day every week? She spent it with me. Faithfully every Thursday all summer Alice and Katherine came to our house to help out. I often had the chance to run out for an appointment or get groceries or just sit alone on a bench with a slice of pizza until it was feeding time. During the fall before Alice went back to work I got to spend a day every week at her place. It was nice to get out of the house but be in a place that still feels like home. Alice, knowing I could count on your Thursday visits and weekly play dates took away a lot of the stress of our early months. You’re amazing!

I think our society is a little funny that we often parent in isolation. I sometimes (emphasis on sometimes) envy the cultures where extended families live together, moms move in when babies are born and aunts and uncles are like second parents. Although I like my little family of four, I do think we were probably meant to live a little more communally than we do. But I’m grateful for our community of family and friends who have rallied around us as we’ve become parents, whether with time, a meal or words of encouragement. Thank you!

Reflections of Motherhood Part 2: Sleep

2010-11-23T10:55:00.001-05:00

I’m hesitant to even write about this topic as I know some parents will want to kill us. Sleep has actually been a pretty positive thing in our house. In the early days that’s pretty much all Caleb and Micah did. We woke them every 3 hours to feed. Then a few weeks in we decided to stretch out the early morning hours and they did a 5 hour stretch from feed to feed. That meant about 3.5 hours of sleep in a row for us as feeds took an hour and a half, but pretty good all things considered.

One thing that stood out for us in the sleep department was the idea of “starting as you mean to go” from the Baby Whisperer. If you want them to be able to do something, start from the beginning and for us that meant teaching them how to put themselves to sleep. Especially having two, rocking or nursing them to sleep wasn’t realistic for us. Obviously they were too young for “crying it out” but basically from the days in the hospital, we put them in their bassinettes awake for them to fall asleep on their own. It wasn’t a struggle, they just did it. I realize that’s not always the case, but I’m thankful for it. At bed time and nap times we basically swaddle them (arms out now... they roll over!), sing the nap song, give them a kiss, put them in their cribs and say goodnight. That’s it. Sometimes they cry for maybe a minute but mostly they go peacefully to sleep. I love it!

The boys go to bed after a 7pm feed, we wake them for a 10pm dream feed and they sleep until 7am on most days. Getting sleep has made all the difference in being able to make it through the day with them. Trying to produce enough milk for two babies and just taking care of them, rest is so important. I’m not a nap person so “nap when they nap” didn’t work for me, despite trying. They have also slept in their cribs from the first night they got home from the hospital. Co-sleeping is not for us and who’s kidding who, our bed isn’t big enough for 4. I didn’t even want them in our room as I’m a light sleeper and knew I’d be awake at any little sound... ANY sleep I could get was crucial. Our house is small and they are easy to hear if they need us. I don’t think I’ve ever used our baby monitor.

Naps have been our only struggle and even then I can’t complain. They are often short and because I feed the boys together, the one who sleeps will often get short changed or they wake each other up. Such is life with two, and it’s definitely getting better.

I know there are a million and one ways to approach sleep with babies and every family has to do what’s best for them. We knew that having two is a whole different ball game and that maximizing sleep for everyone in the family was a priority. We often joke that with our next child we are really in for it as our boys have been pretty easy. I wouldn’t be surprised but in the mean time I will cherish my sleep-filled nights!

Reflections of Motherhood Part 1: Breastfeeding

2010-11-01T10:19:00.001-04:00

Now that I’m over 4 months into being a mom, I thought it was time to record some of my thoughts about the early days, mostly so that when I look back and it all seems like a blur I’ll have some record to look back on. Today’s topic: breast feeding!

I was determined to breast feed my babies from the beginning. Although I have nothing against formula and people who choose/have to use it I wanted my babies to get as much breast milk as possible. I knew it would be a challenge with twins and has definitely proved to be my biggest. Breast feeding is hard. The babies had to learn and I had to learn. It didn’t just happen magically. In the early days and weeks it didn’t always work. It was a huge production to try to get one of them latched on and feeding both would take well over an hour. In order to produce enough milk for two I also had to pump after each nursing session. I HATED pumping. There is nothing nice about it. We also struggled with weight gain in the beginning so had to supplement with formula after each feed. I was afraid of them getting too used to a bottle so we used a lactation tube, where basically they get the formula at the breast. No easy feat and I was happy when we didn’t need to do that anymore.

The best thing I did was go see a lactation consultant. We had one visit us every day in the hospital and we were able to continue seeing her at the free Peel Breast feeding clinic (so thankful for such a great resource in our community!!). An LC is such an important job. My good friend Kristen just passed her exam to become one and I’m so excited for her. She’s also been a huge encouragement in this process.

One of the biggest parts to my success was setting a goal for myself before the babies were born. My first goal was to make it 6 weeks as that’s the post-partum stage. Without that goal I’m pretty sure my babies would be on formula by now. SO many times I wanted to give up but I stuck it out and it got easier just like they said it would. We continue to have our challenges (Micah now gets very distracted and we’re having some weight issues again) but lots of successes too. For a few months I’ve been tandem feeding them and am proud that I can do it on my own. My next goal is 6 months and after that possibly a year if they’ll go that long. I love that it’s free and portable but thing I’ll be ready to wean them once they can have whole milk at a year.

The best part of breastfeeding is the bonding and knowing my babies are getting the best nutrition they can. I also love feeding them together and love when they hold hands or look up at me and smile. The hardest part is that they need me all the time and life is planned around feeding. Tandem feeding twins isn’t very public friendly either so I don’t get out as much as a mom of one baby can, but I know it’s a short phase of life that I’m committed to.

Siza's Going to School

2010-10-06T11:11:00.002-04:00

With the help of our friend Danisa, Siza is now in school (see previous posts about her). He found her a place at Wanezi High School and drove her there himself this past Sunday. She will be boarding at the school and able to focus on her studies. I'm so excited for her!

The picture is of Siza playing goalie at the orphan camp we worked at in December 2006. I think this was the first moment she stood out to me. You have to love a girl who plays soccer in a party dress!

Stay tuned for some reflections on motherhood...

Dear Momma of Two

2010-08-09T14:41:00.000-04:00

Dear Momma of Two,

You are probably exhausted and not sure what to think of this crazy new transition into motherhood. Here are a few things I want to remind you of...
- You are doing a great job. Remember you will make mistakes, forget things, wish you had done things differently, but don’t beat yourself up over it. Your babies are learning too and you’re not going to damage them. You are all learning together.
- This time will pass quickly. The feelings of helplessness, extreme exhaustion will not last forever. They will only be this tiny for a short time. Enjoy how cute and little they are... it will go by fast and you’ll wish for these days back. Try to stop and take in these moments. They will be gone before you know it.
- Sleep when you can. Don’t worry about having everything perfect around the house and organized. You don’t have to have it all together. Others are here to help you and a well rested momma is best for everyone.
- Make sure you are eating and drinking enough. Good nutrition will help give you the energy you need to get through the day. You can’t feed your babies if you have nothing to give them.
- Take time for yourself. Go for a short walk, sit outside, catch your breath, take a shower or bath. Dry your hair, put on a little make up, whatever feels good. It is okay to have a little you-time. Don’t feel guilty! It is better for everyone.
- Ask for help and accept any that is offered to you. Don’t feel bad about others doing your dishes, your laundry, feeding babies, changing diapers or bringing you a meal. People are happy to help and will make a huge difference in your sanity.
- Try to have a sense of humour and laugh every day. It is good for your body and your soul. Being a mom is the most important job in the world, but don’t take it all too seriously.
- Appreciate your husband and all of his hard work buy don’t feel guilty about him doing it. You’re working hard too. Remember to thank him and let him know what it means to you. Ask him what his transition to being a dad is like and figure out what he needs. Take time, even a few minutes each day, to be alone together. There is no other relationship that is more important in your life.
- Remember it’s okay to cry. You will have bad moments and days and it’s better to let those emotions out and talk it through with those who will listen and you trust. You don’t have to pretend you have it all together. Don’t forget that not every day will be like this, but it’s okay to feel sad, angry or frustrated sometimes. Get help if it doesn’t go away.
- Tell people what you need. If you can’t handle more visitors, shut the door and be honest. People will meet your babies eventually and they will understand.
- Take lots of pictures and write down little things you want to remember. These days will feel like a blur and you’ll be glad to have those things to look back on.
- Remember to thank God daily for the two beautiful gifts he’s given you. You didn’t have an easy road getting here and not everyone gets this far. Being a mom is a privilege, one that you get to experience. You were made to do this.
- This is an adventure. There will be highs and lows and lots of in-betweens. Have fun and enjoy the ride!!

Update on Siza

2010-06-07T23:57:00.002-04:00

We asked our good friend Danisa in Zimbabwe (also the bishop of the BICC church there) to help us figure out how to help Siza. He contacted her with the phone number she gave in the letter and met with her today. He feels the best thing for her is to attend a boarding school to finish off high school as where she is living isn't the best environment. He is going to look into finding her a place and we're committed to helping make that happen. Educating girls is something I strongly believe in (see the video) and I hope she is able to return to school soon.

Siza

2010-06-03T10:07:00.002-04:00

This is Siza, a very special girl I met at an orphan camp we helped run in Zimbabwe in 2006. I visited her several times at her rural school and before we moved home I left her a few gifts and my address, never expecting to hear from her. Yesterday, I got a letter from her asking for help as she's had to drop out of school because she can't pay the fees. She wants to be a pilot or a doctor and said she wants to come live with me. My heart breaks for her and I'm doing what I can to figure out how to help. She has so much potential. A good reminder that there are so many people who have worries so much greater than mine. Probably just paying for postage on the letter was a very big deal for her. Puts things in perspective!

Grateful

2010-06-02T12:03:00.003-04:00

As I look back over the past 37 weeks I am extremely grateful. Especially since I'm high-risk with twins, I've had a relatively easy and uneventful pregnancy....

- My morning sickness didn't start until 9 weeks and was easily tamed by a great drug called Diclectin
- I've had no bleeding or strange cramping
- I've been able to avoid bed rest, something I was definitely expecting by the end
- All of my ultrasounds have shown no complications
- The babies have been head down for weeks and weeks (please don't turn on me now!!)
- It looks like I'll be able to at least attempt a vaginal birth which has been my hope, but certainly not my expectation, since the beginning
- My blood pressure and sugar levels have been fine and my low iron has been taken care of with some pills and lots of steak! (who can complain about that!!)
- I was able to work until the end of 31 weeks
- I continue to have enough energy to walk around, do some things around the house and get out once a day

I know complications are common in pregnancy and I've had many people in my life who have experienced them. Thankfully most have turned out fine and they have eventually carried or are carrying healthy babies. I certainly had the potential for my share of challenges and am extremely thankful for how smoothly my pregnancy has gone. I have loved being pregnant. It is kind of a strange thing growing two little people inside of me, but I have loved feeling their kicks and movements as they've grown. Will I miss it? I don't know. I feel ready to have my body back, but have loved the opportunity to house my two little ones as they've gotten ready for the world.

Overwhelmed

2010-06-01T13:19:00.002-04:00

It is a crazy feeling to be so close to giving birth. We'll officially set the date at my last OB appointment on Thursday, but I will likely be induced a week today if I don't go into labour on my own before then. But really, it could happen at any moment. In an instant, my life is going to change dramatically. We will go from a family of two to a family of four. We will have two little people we are responsible for feeding, changing, clothing, teaching and loving. And they will be our children for the rest of our lives.

Everyone says to just try and survive the first few months with twins. They are the hardest and then apparently it gets a bit easier. Sometimes I forget that it doesn't end after that. We'll just be in a new phase and the adventures will continue....crawling, walking, talking, potty training, school, vacations, discipline etc. etc. Wow! How do you prepare for something like this? I really don't know if you can.

I'm so excited to meet my babies, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit scared at the huge responsibility I'm about to take on as a parent. I don't know how to parent one child, let alone two! Thankfully Joel and I both grew up with great examples and have the support of our amazing family and friends. We'll make mistakes, we'll learn and we'll settle into life as four. I'm sure it won't be long before it all feels quite normal. But sitting on this side of it and knowing the countdown is on, it's all a little bit overwhelming!

The Perfect Family?

2010-05-28T14:19:00.002-04:00

I often get asked my people if I know the sex of my babies and they are usually surprised that I don't. The comment I have gotten most often that has also been most surprising is that hopefully I'll have a boy and a girl and then I'll be done. Wouldn't it just be perfect to have a boy and a girl, and then I wouldn't have to have any more kids? I don't really get it. First it assumes that a boy and girl is the perfect scenario. While it would be great, it would also be really fun to have two boys or two girls. The second assumption is that two is the perfect number of kids. It seems to be for a lot of people, but I have never planned on only having two kids. Joel comes from a family of four kids and I come from a family of three. I've loved having more than one sibling. Of course, each family has to make their own decisions and sometimes there are surprises. Who knows, maybe we will stop after two but I'm not ready to decide that yet. I guess I've just been surprised how often I've heard that I'll be done if I have a boy and a girl.

My Grandma

2010-05-25T14:46:00.003-04:00

Me and my Grandma at my family shower in April

I have always been close to my Grandma. Being the first granddaughter after 6 grandsons we seem to have a special bond. She is 93 and my last living grandparent. Thankfully she has enjoyed good health, lived on her own and even golfed regularly. I don't see her a lot as she lives in Ottawa but I've always enjoyed our phone conversations. She is pretty excited about the arrival of our babies.

A few weeks ago my Grandma came to Mississauga for a visit. My mom and I went out for lunch with her and we brought her to our place to show her the nursery. Two days later while staying at my parents, she had a stroke. She was bleeding into her brain and for a day or so we didn't know if she would make it. Thankfully she pulled through and is now doing quite well and recovering in the hospital.

I couldn't imagine my Grandma not meeting my babies. I am incredibly thankful that it looks like that will happen. She is actually staying at the hospital where we will give birth and will likely still be there when the time comes. I know she would have made the trip from Ottawa to come meet them, but now she'll just have to go down one floor to see us which she is excited about. Obviously I wish for her she could be home, but it also nice having her closeby. When Joel and I go for weekly tests at the hospital we now go see her before and after and give her the updates. She keeps asking what hospital I'll be at and is always happily surprised when I tell her it's the same one she's at. I can't wait for her to meet them!

We've waited this long

2010-05-14T11:22:00.004-04:00

As I get closer to the birth of my babies I am more and more anxious to find out if we are having boys, girls or both. I'm glad we've waited. I've always wanted to have that moment at birth and with 3 possible combinations I think it'll be even more exciting. We have some hand-me-down preemie clothes from friends who recently had boy/girl twins. It's fun going through it and wondering what we'll be able to use... not that you can't dress a boy in pink! Joel and I wanted to buy them their outfits to come home from the hospital with, so we bought 2 girl and 2 boy outfits just in case. They have enough white, green and yellow clothes I thought it'd be nice to at least have something more specific for their big day.

I'm guessing life with two boys would be pretty different than two girls and one of each would be an interesting mix. Whatever they are, I know it was decided a long time ago and I'll be thrilled the moment I find out. I'm excited!

Melt Downs

2010-05-05T11:47:00.002-04:00

I had one today. Who knew that my attempt to clean car seats would lead to me sitting in tears. As I near the end of my pregnancy, life is getting a little harder. Overall I still feel great, but I'm not small. I'm at least the size I would be if I was full-term with one baby, probably bigger. Carrying two little ones around with me all day that are constantly growing means what I can do physically is constantly changing. What I could do last week is not what I can do this week.

But I don't like it. I don't like that when I spill something on the floor I can barely lean over to wipe it up. I don't like that I can no longer vacuum (one of my favourite chores!). I don't like that doing a load of laundry takes most of my energy and will soon be impossible. I don't like that I have a dirty shoe mat in my front hall closet that I can't scrub or a floor that needs mopping. And I don't like that not being able to do what seem like such simple things, means that someone else has to.

Joel is working so hard. He works hard all day, often comes home and makes me dinner, cleans up and then does more work around the house without complaining. He is so good about it, but there's only so much one person can do. He knows my main job is to grow my babies and more than anyone he is always encouraging me to rest. But he needs to rest too. He's about to become a dad of two and we need our time together.

As I'm learning how to live with a constantly changing body, there are two things I'm also learning that I'm not good at... letting go and asking for help. Our house isn't going to be in perfect condition when our babies arrive, and it certainly won't be after. If some things don't get done, we will survive and probably no one is judging me on whether or not my baseboards are clean. But I still want them clean! Asking for help is also hard for me, but something I know I'm going to have to learn if I want to survive the first few months with two babies. I don't feel like other people should have to come and do my cleaning or laundry or whatever else needs to be done and even if someone offers, I struggle with guilt. I don't know why.

I'm curious to look back in a few months and see if I've gotten better at these things, probably out of necessity. But in the mean time, I'll do what I can, rest as much as possible and take a deep breath!

One of the best moments of my life

2010-05-04T11:05:00.000-04:00

In getting back to blogging, I don’t really know where to start. Whether or not anyone reads this, it’s a chance for me to get out some thoughts I can look back on. Since becoming a mom is a huge part of my life, I might as well begin where it began, or at least when I found out about it...

Monday October 12th is a day I will never forget, not because it was Thanksgiving, but because it was the day I saw a little (+) that changed my life forever. Getting pregnant didn’t happen right away for us. I had some disappointments along the way, so this month I wasn’t expecting any different. In fact, my body felt exactly like it did every other month. The night before I was in tears, knowing the letdown I was about to face. I decided to test just so I could get the disappointment over with and move on. Joel had to go into work for a few hours on Thanksgiving morning so I was alone when I tested. I took the test, walked away for the prescribed 5 minutes and came back to the shock of my life....a plus sign!!! I immediately started to shake, ball and express my disbelief to myself over and over. What followed was what felt like the longest few hours of my life... waiting for Joel to get home to share the news. He knew I was testing so I didn’t want to give it away over the phone or when he first arrived through the door. I’m pretty sure my acting job should receive an academy award nomination!

In some ways, that moment seems so long ago and yet I can’t believe I’m only a few weeks away from meeting my babies. Pregnancy is such a bizarre and wonderful thing, growing two little lives inside me. I am grateful for the chance to experience it.

I'm Back!!!

2010-04-26T09:09:00.003-04:00

Wow, can't believe it's been 9 months since I've written anything on this blog. Since I have a window of free time ahead I thought I'd start writing again, mostly to capture my thoughts as I enter a crazy new phase of life... becoming a mom of twins!

I'm sure I've lost most of the followers I did have, which is okay since I'm not writing for anyone in particular... just to be able to look back and see what was going on in my head during this time. But it doesn't hurt to ask, is there anyone still out there???

Better late than never...

2009-07-18T17:05:00.002-04:00

I finally finished my 100 workouts. I'm not exactly sure when I did, but I'm definitely over 100 now. I was doing great until the last few weeks of June when I got sick and fell behind. So I missed my deadline but I'm still proud of myself and no matter what, I'm still way more active now than I was before I started this. It seemed to work. I'll probably do another one in the fall from September to December. Anyone in?

God bless the introvert

2009-05-27T21:15:00.002-04:00

My sister-in-law Rachel posted this funny article yesterday about introverts. If you are an introvert or have one in your life you should check it out. I am married to the biggest introvert of all! The last part made me laugh..

How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and respect his choice? First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation.
Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?"
Third, don't say anything else, either.

So true!

75 down

2009-05-27T21:13:00.001-04:00

I'm proud to say I've actually done 75 workouts since the start of the year. That means I need to do 25 more before July 1st. I'm hoping to start June with 22 to go, so if I'm consistent I should be able to make it. A had a bad week or two and thought it was over but I'm glad I've pulled it together and stuck with it. It's all downhill from here!

The Things We Remember

2009-05-14T17:55:00.003-04:00

Today at the gym I went back to my locker between cardio and weights to put away my headphones. For the life of me, I couldn't remember my lock combination. I could, however, remember my lock combination from the first lock I had all the way back in grade seven...27-8-50. I tried it over and over, but not a big shock that it didn't work. So I went out to do my weights preparing myself for a trip to the front desk to ask if they could cut my lock. But somewhere around the leg press, I visualized myself doing the combination, and the real one came back to me. Thankfully a few minutes later it worked. Why, of all the things stored in my memory, is my grade seven lock combination still there? It fascinates me!

The Purple Bicycle

2009-05-04T16:28:00.003-04:00

Joel's sister Rachel, just moved to Paris for a year. She is writing about her experiences here. She's definitely one of the best writers I know. Check it out!

Swine Flu

2009-04-29T15:43:00.002-04:00

So by now we've all heard about the swine flu and how numbers are growing rapidly each day. It's a big topic of conversation around our staff room table and some people are quite scared. I understand... it is hitting close to home and can be deadly. I feel for those who are infected and for the families of those who have lost their lives.

But I couldn't help feel frustrated that we care so much about this but not about other "pandemics" in the world. Who cares that in 2007 33.2 million people were living with AIDS and that 2.1 million people died? Who cares that 25,000 people die a DAY from hunger or hunger-related causes? Every loss of life is tragic, I just wish we'd pay more attention to the issues that are killing the most people in the world. I know it's hard to care when it isn't hitting close to home. I guarantee that if AIDS and hunger were killing as many people on this side of the world a heck of a lot more would be done about it. I have many friends affected by these things, and I still don't care enough. I want to care more, and I think my level of caring should be measured by what I DO about it.

50 down, 50 to go...

2009-04-09T17:26:00.002-04:00

At the beginning of January I committed to doing 50 workouts by July 1st. I've never been that consistent with exercise and it's something I wanted to do before I end this decade of life (just over a month away!). I'm happy to have finally reached the halfway mark in my goal. Since the beginning of February I've been playing squash after school with some friends a few days a week and that has helped. The gym can get boring so it's been a nice change. Joel and I have signed up for a local tennis club and are looking forward to improving our game. I'm also taking a phys-ed course so once a week I'm "playing" for several hours. Every little bit helps! This is definitely not my first attempt at consistently being active, but for some reason this little plan has finally worked for me and has kept me going when I normally would have quit. With just under 3 months to go and the warm weather getting closer, I'm feeling good!

Learn about triangles from James Blunt...

2009-03-28T12:16:00.001-04:00

Another reason why Sesame Street is brilliant:

Memories of Guavas

2009-03-26T19:24:00.004-04:00

Last week Joel and I enjoyed a wonderful week of relaxation in Cuba. One thing I love about Cuba is that they have guavas. Guavas were a bit part of my life in Zimbabwe. We ate them for many months and would often buy them at the side of the road. But my favourite guava memories involved the kids that lived nearby. I particularly remember one evening when I went with them to the neighbour's tree and watched the littlest ones climb quickly up and drop them down to the others below. That's one of the reasons I want to go back and live in Africa for a few years once we have kids. How often does a kid here get to climb a tree, barefoot and eat amazingly fresh fruit?

Anyways, eating guavas from the otherwise not-so-exciting buffet in Cuba was a highlight for me. They would instantly transport me back to our front porch at Mtshabezi where I'd love to watch the kids play. I miss them. I miss them coming to the door for duck tape repairs on the beach ball we gave them. I miss Posa coming and saying "This is your balloon", his way of asking for a balloon. I miss the songs Silethemba would sing for me. They are beautiful children!

The kids on our porch (Posa in yellow, Silethemba in purple)

AIDS and the Pope

2009-03-23T15:17:00.002-04:00

Something to read if AIDS is something you care about...

Hi,

Did you see the Pope's anti-condom speech in Africa? He said condoms could risk increasing the spread of AIDS! This goes against all the research and is a massive set back to years of prevention and education projects on a continent with 22 million men, women and children living with HIV/AIDS. I have just signed this petition which will be delivered to the Vatican asking the Pope to stop making speaking out against condoms. A massive global outcry could influence any further statements he makes. Read the full alert below or just click on the link to add your name to this urgent petition - together, our voices could save lives:

http://www.avaaz.org/en/pope_benedict_petition/98.php?CLICK_TF_TRACK

Thank you!

----------------------

Dear friends,

Last week, on his first visit to Africa, Pope Benedict said that "[AIDS] cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms, which even aggravates the problems".

The Pope's statement is at odds with the research on AIDS prevention, and a setback to decades of hard work on AIDS education and awareness. With powerful moral influence over more than 1.1 billion Catholics in the world, and 22 million HIV positive Africans, these words could dramatically affect the AIDS pandemic and put millions of lives at risk. Worldwide concern is starting to show results and a willingness by the Vatican to revise the statement - sign our urgent petition asking the Pope to take care not to undermine proven AIDS prevention strategies:

http://www.avaaz.org/en/pope_benedict_petition/98.php?CLICK_TF_TRACK

This is not a religious dispute, but a grave public health concern. Personal beliefs of Catholics and all people should be respected, and the Pope's advocacy for a culture of fidelity and respect could be helpful in prevention if condoms were not discouraged. The Catholic Church engages in a vast amount of social service work, including the care of those living with AIDS. But the Pope's claim that condom distribution is not an effective AIDS prevention mechanism is not supported by research. It's untrue, and if it diminishes condom use, it will be deadly.

The fact is, HIV and AIDS are prevented by condom use. There is no easy solution to the spread of this tragic disease, but condoms and education are the best known prevention combination and have not been found to increase risky sexual behaviour. That is why even priests and nuns working in Africa have questioned the Pope's statements.

We may not be able to ask the Catholic Church to change its broader position, but we are asking the Pope to stop actively speaking out against prevention strategies that work. It's important that people of all beliefs, especially Catholics, call on the Pope to exercise care in his leadership on this issue. Sign below then spread the word to your friends and family - this petition could actually save lives:

http://www.avaaz.org/en/pope_benedict_petition/98.php?CLICK_TF_TRACK

25 million people worldwide have already died of AIDS, and 12 million children have been left without parents. If enough of us join this outcry, we will win an important battle in the struggle for a world without AIDS.

With hope,

Ricken, Alice, Ben, Graziela, Iain, Brett, Paula, Pascal, Luis, Paul, Veronique, Milena and the whole Avaaz team

PS - this campaign was polled among a randomized sample of 20,000 Avaaz members. Over 90% supported running the campaign, and over 75% of Catholic Avaaz members supported it.

Sources:

The official position of the UN and the World Health Organization on condoms and AIDS prevention

The Pope's statement opposing condoms (BBC)

Twitter

2009-03-23T13:36:00.001-04:00

I signed up for Twitter and did it for about a day, but I never caught on. As someone who udpates their Facebook status I certainly can't make fun of it but I did find this funny...

Everything's amazing, nobody's happy...

2009-02-24T17:23:00.002-05:00

A friend posted this on Facebook the other day... a comedian who makes you think! For some reason I can't embed it but check out this great video here.

The Easiest Mac N' Cheese Recipe

2009-02-09T18:22:00.002-05:00

This recipe is currently in my oven. It's one of our favourites. The best part is that you don't have to pre-cook the macaroni so it's really easy to make, but tastes delicious. I'm all about fast and simple so thought I'd share it.

My variations:
- I don't add salt because I use salted butter instead of maragine
- I use cheddar and mozzarella
- I mix lots of cheese in with the macaroni, not just on top (I don't think it would be cheesy enough just on top....I just eyeball it)
- at about the 40 minute mark I take it out quickly and add breadcrumbs to the top

Enjoy!

Winter Song

2009-01-29T21:23:00.001-05:00

I love discovering new talented people. I heard this for the first time yesterday... a sweet song for a cold winter's day!

Zambia Bound

2009-01-25T16:25:00.002-05:00

Jamie & Arja with Danisa & Trezia Ndlovu at Mtshabezi - November 2007

Tomorrow our friends Jamie and Arja and their girls Kanah and Talya will be moving to Zambia to start a new adventure. They are going with MCC to keep our church, The Meeting House, connected with what is happening on that side of the world as we partner together. I have to admit I'm a little jealous. Zambia was my first exposure to Africa as I worked at Sakeji School for 3 months. Joel and I also really enjoyed the few days we spent at Macha, where they will be living. Although I'm happy where I am now, I hope to someday have the opportunity for my family to live in Africa again for an extended period of time. I would love for my kids to be able to explore barefoot, learn a new language and understand that most of the world doesn't live like we do. Perhaps someday! But mostly, I just really excited for them as they begin their new life in Africa. We had the opportunity to travel with them to Zimbabwe in November of 2007 and it was amazing to see how easily they adapted and how much people loved them. Add two cute girls in the mix and they'll do just fine! :)

Sanfilippo family, I'm excited to follow your journey and learn from you. Thanks for being willing to uproot your lives to represent us on that side of the world. It will quickly become your home and we hope to connect on that side of the world!

(If you want to follow their journey in Africa, you can check in at their blog once they're there)

I Need Africa More Than Africa Needs Me

2009-01-16T23:26:00.001-05:00

100 Workouts in 6 months!

2009-01-15T12:28:00.002-05:00

I started a new program on January 1st. I've committed to doing 100 workouts in 6 months. I saw the idea on a website, but am making up my own criteria. For me a workout consists of 20 minutes or more of heart rate raising activity. So if you walk for 20 minutes, it has to be brisk! Also, you can't count more than one workout for each day. So if I do cardio and weights at the gym on one day I only count that as one.

I'm hoping this works for me. I've been keep track of my workouts since September and have definitely had times of doing well, and times of no activity. I'm hoping this longer-term goal will help keep me motivated to stay more consistent. I like visuals and little rewards for myself so I created a ticker (see above) of my progress. If you want to join me, let me know! You can make up your own rules of what works for you, and just pick a date 6 months from today. So far I have 2 other people on board with me. Want to make it 3?

Send a Message to the People of Zimbabwe

2008-12-23T08:32:00.001-05:00

Hi,
I just signed a message to the people of Zimbabwe letting them know we stand defiantly with their quest for democracy, security and justice and I thought you would want to join this global campaign. If we join voices as citizens around the world and stand with them in their struggle - they will know that they are not alone and remain strong in the belief that change is still possible. Click here to sign the message:
http://www.avaaz.org/en/global_citizens_for_zimbabwe/tf.php?CLICK_TF_TRACK
Thanks!
------------------------
Dear friends,
As we approach the holiday season, the people of Zimbabwe need our solidarity and support. For many, this will be their tenth New Year's Eve living in fear, their third without clean water, and their first amidst the spiralling cholera epidemic. So many have died that it is no longer clear what is the population of the country.

Ultimately, it is the people of Zimbabwe who will bring change. Right now, our friends on the ground say that crushing hardship and isolation are the greatest threat -- that the most powerful contribution we can make is to cry out our solidarity with their struggle, and let them know that they are not alone.

While Mugabe and his generals might control the borders and the newspapers, the airwaves are still free. Sign our global message of solidarity now -- it will be turned into a radio advertisement and broadcast across Zimbabwe in the new year--and then if you choose, write or record your own ad for broadcast using our online tools:

http://www.avaaz.org/en/global_citizens_for_zimbabwe/?CLICKTRACK

Zimbabwe's people are wracked by a cholera crisis which has already killed over 1000 people. Three months after Robert Mugabe and the opposition leader Morgan Tsvangarai signed a power-sharing agreement, Mugabe's still clings to power, even denying there is an epidemic. And as the regime cracks down, with increasing numbers of journalists, human rights defenders and ordinary people being abducted this week, the prospect of a unity government seems more remote than ever. The Zimbabweans who risked their lives to vote against Mugabe in March this year are exhausted, hungry and terrorised by violence.

We have campaigned throughout the year on different levels with a range of targets, tactics and strategies, but Zimbabwe will only change if, amongst the dread and fear, Zimbabweans themselves believe they have the power to overcome hopelessness and lawlessness.
With our radio-broadcast messages of international solidarity, let's let them know our eyes are on Zimbabwe and send them hope and strength to carry on strong into 2009. Our voices aim to uplift Zimbabwean people who have lost their hope or loved ones, helping a people who are desperate for democracy and ravaged by hunger and disease. These messages will be heard by hundreds of thousands across Zimbabwe and the region: sign our collective message here, then leave your personal message:

http://www.avaaz.org/en/global_citizens_for_zimbabwe/?CLICKTRACK

It is up to us to get our messages of support to the people of Zimbabwe. As citizens of the world, our only interest in ending the Mugabe era is that which led us to struggle in our own lands for political freedoms, and which brought many of us to stand with the South African people in the anti-apartheid struggle: a common humanity, a duty to fight repression and a commitment to the universality of rights. Let the Zimbabwean people know we stand with them:

http://www.avaaz.org/en/global_citizens_for_zimbabwe/?CLICKTRACK

In hope and solidarity,
Ben, Ricken, Alice, Brett, Pascal, Paul, Graziela, Paula, Luis, Iain and the whole Avaaz team
P.S. For a report on Avaaz's campaigning so far, see: https://secure.avaaz.org/en/report_back_2

The Big Ask: Climate Change

2008-12-22T13:39:00.003-05:00

Check out 50 things you can do to help stop global warming!

A Zimbabwean Funeral

2008-12-22T13:34:00.001-05:00

Take a look at these incredible photos of a funeral that took place at Mtshabezi in Zimbabwe. Be sure to check out the slideshow. If you leave a comment in the next few days Krista will donate a dollar to help Zimbabwe!